If it were the first "Star Wars" movie, "The Phantom Menace" would be hailed as a visionary breakthrough...

rogerebert.com/reviews/star-wars-episode-i-the-phantom-menace-1999

/ourguy/?

All critics are cucks, even when they're right. Never venerate a hack who resorts to praising and condemning the works of others instead of creating his own art.

Instead of wasting your time reading a review, watch or read an interview with a director you love. Directors actually make movies, so they know what they're talking about.

Bigger fan of siskel but I'll always love Ebert for BTFO of the man children gamers.

...

Ebert did create his own art.

And no one liked it so then quit because he couldn't handle the heat. Like all critics, he's a coward.

If Channel Awesome has taught me anything, it's to take critics with a grain of salt. These people are so far up their own ass they get off to preaching to themselves.

But that's literally what we do here on Holla Forums.

Codger Plebert also gave shit like Strange Days, an okay movie with a ton of wasted potential, a "perfect" 4/4 star rating just because of its pro-black message. Fitting for a jawless, oil-drilling libcuck.

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while ebert does get a lot right, there are plenty that he's gotten wrong too

Is this guy aligned with the Bogandorfs?
It can't be a coincidence his face is also a monstrosity.

he's dead tho

Cutting a little deep there, honky

What you do maybe. I just force memes.
DUNK

beyond the valley of the dolls had hot lesbo scenes

if you evaluate ebert's critiques, you will note the importance of hot lesbo scenes for real critics

that's why mulholland drive was such a great film

literally no other reason because it was an incoherent mass of dogshit

if you ignore the lesbo scenes

which you definitely should not

That's what they want you to think.

fuck, if they have a clone of ebert, release that fucker back into the public, we need reviewers with some actual sense of film.

I didn't agree with a lot of his reviews, but the especially negative ones were usually pretty funny to me

This honestly. Critics can sometimes be on target but since they don't know or understand the process fully they cannot judge the results properly.

Why is he so perfect?

Sad

*SAD!

Are there any professional critics who actually made their own art?