Civil War 2 #2 Storytime

I have not been up to date on the Hulks. How old is he?

Alright.

Forgot this one.

>which TOTALLY WON'T piss him off and make him kill everyone
I fucking hope he murders them all.

Ya know, I was hopeful when I saw the word bubbles in the Karnak fight, I really was. The previews were wordless, so there was no explanation for why Tony drops Karnak with such ease. But with words, it would be explained! Maybe he's disrupting his power with false weaknesses, maybe he can specifically counter him in some way.

Nope. He's FLAWLESS. That's the reason he won.

I don't even understand what's going on anymore. What is this Civil War even about, anyway? The psychic guy? Tony doing stupid shit? Carol doing stupid shit? The Hulk (who I think isn't even powered ATM) getting angry? The Inhumans getting pissed off?

Also why show "conflicted" Spiderman and then have him also shown on Carol's team on the same page?

Why am I supposed to give a shit?

It was a robotic decoy, not the actual Tony.

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I'm a fag who's never known anything about Karnak before this comic, but this is the funniest shit I've ever read on wikipedia.
>Although he commits suicide at the end of that issue, he appears in the cliffhanger of Inhuman #13 (May 2015) saying he had found a weakness in the afterlife.
This is so retarded it sounds like it's straight outta Jojo.

With the Inhumans but, not actually an Inhuman. Too much stupid shit they write makes me not want to actively try being up to date. House of fucking Ideas.

Wait a minute. Didn't they say nobody knew where he was last issue? Why didn't you try finding him earlier to help She-Hulk?

A FLAWLESS robotic decoy.

A few things about this are, of course, retarded. MAYBE Carol isn't there to make Bruce freak out and kill everyone… but that's clearly what we're supposed to think. The only trait we know about Carol, in the confines of this story, is that she's a fucking idiot, so of course we can only assume she'll keep being one. Second, why is Bruce smiling to himself in Utah? Not only should he know She-Hulk is dead because she's his cousin, HE WAS SPECIFICALLY CALLED TO ASSIST WITH HER TREATMENT LAST ISSUE. Unless he's smiling because he's already figured out a way to save She-Hulk's life, but I'm going to just assume that Bendis already forgot plotpoints from issue 1.

And for the issue as a whole, if Tony was so worried about this all at the party, even calling Jean in to scan the kid's mind, why didn't he JUST ASK TO DO TESTS ON THE KID? He could have done that before the Thanos thing! And how come no one is concerned that they have THANOS LOCKED UP IN THE BASEMENT!?

It's probably going to be something stupid like the kid is just a reality warper, and his visions are a desperate cry for attention because he never was the center of anything. So his subconscious creates giant threats so he can be needed by others.

Because they are trying to milk the Civil War movie, so Marvel thinks "Let's just do another Civil War! I'm sure the kids will love it!!!" And this is what we get.

Just hearing about it, it made me question why should I give a shit about the Civil War Event. This doesn't even feel like a event, probably because we all know that it is a cash cow event, and nothing more.

At least Jojo is more interesting then most of Marvel's crap, despite being bat shit insane which isn't a bad thing.

Oh no, I like the idea of it, but it's Marvel, so… yeah.
Dude sounds like Shiki, honestly. Not that I've ever read or watched Tsukihime or anything.

Reality warper is the only way any of this can possibly make, it's just so broken and retarded already.

The question is why would you do that? To put it in wrestling booking terms, you're jobbing out your entire roster to make the latest threat look strong. A threat that will completely evaporate once the event ends. The only result of that will be at worst, making everyone look retarded and ineffective while fucking up everyone elses angles; and at best, achieve absolutely nothing at all besides filling shelf space.

I think a lot of events just count on the sales they'll get at the moment, and not nearly as much thought is given to where that will put books further down the line. Which is the problem of most modern events is they make a big splash that they MUST revert soon afterwards.

Now, I HATE the first Civil War event, but you could argue that neither side is "wrong", they just can't agree and thus do stupid things. But, if he is a reality warper, then neither side is RIGHT, and they do stupid things. Carol is wrong for not looking into this at all, and Tony is wrong because he was concerned about an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SCENARIO. So yes, I think you're right that in a lot of ways this event will not do a damn thing to add to any of the characters involved. It's a filler event because they couldn't think of anything good.

Can we mememagic the hulk killing this new Marvel Universe and stop this stupid faggotry?

We must.

Reality warper or not, will there even be anything to revert? How can this end? Inhumans pulling a Wakanda and everyone else hating each other over stupid shit while Thanos plays a harmonica in his jail cell? I can't think of another event that's been so devoid of motives, stakes, anything.

They'll probably kill a few more other characters that are more interesting than Carol just to keep pushing her into the spotlight. Honestly, I don't even see why she'd be the one to go see Bruce. She was friends with Jennifer, sure, but she also got her killed. No one else would be better to go talk to him? He doesn't even just call her Carol, he says her full name. I don't know much about the two interacting, but are they even friends?

Maybe they'll kill all the Inhumans, just so they can bring them all back before the movie. Fuck it, right?

Ok, gonna make a shitty Paint drawing just to start the summoning.

Bendis still didn't realize how stupid and annoying those repetitions are. He is like Rob Liefeld of bad comic writing. I have no idea how he still gets work, when so many people hate him.

sure Liefeld had bad art and writing but at least he's based when discussing comics and not touching them

Why didn't Tony just make his tower flawless as well? Then Karnak couldn't just punch it down.

Marvel doesn't seem to know entire tracts of the X-Men's history like Destiny, don't expect them to have the slightest idea about relationships.

Carol is the most baffling part though, they're pushing the shit out of her by making her look retarded and incompetent? This is what you have the top woman in your lineup doing, getting everyone killed and doing stupid impulsive things when she's meant to be a leader?

Why didn't Tony just make his tower flawless as well? Then Karnak couldn't just punch it down.>>608137
I don't know how Carol is written by others, but I'll assume it's much better. It's probably similar to a Captain Janeway situation, where the main idea is "we have to push this strong female leader!". The goal should be "we have to create this strong, believable CHARACTER, that happens to be female". Captain Sisko was developed as a character, had flaws and goals that amounted to a LOT more than just "well, he's a black captain". As much as I don't like Cyclops a lot, he was normally a very defined character, you knew why he did stupid things and you knew why he did amazing things, it was consistent for him. I don't know why Carol is doing what she's doing here. She just seems to be going from one situation to the next, no plan, just hoping she doesn't get another handful of better characters murdered. And she's not even that concerned about that, since they had 3 hours of warning on Thanos and didn't call in half the people they had for the sudden attack at the start of issue 1.

Ok, done with the shitty draw.

Meme magic, start working.

Well that's the dirty secret Marvel hopes you don't notice, Carol has no personality, she's never had one. They'll do things to her in hopes something happens, make her an alcoholic, erase her memories, turn her into some energy being, have her give birth to and then marry her own rapist. None of it ever works, she's forever "strong female" in the most hideously generic way possible.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Carol was better when she was a background problem for Rogue. Because Rogue is a much better written character.

Shit, I haven't paid attention in forever, what is Claremont even doing these days? I mean, you could argue he liked his female characters an absurd amount, but he still wrote them as real characters. Could he just give a talk to all the Marvel writers, just give them basic tips. Talk to them like the retarded children they are.

And, to add to what I just said, Carol was depicted as very 'fangirl' in Avengers EMH, so I'll assume that was a good representation of her early character. She thought the Avengers were great, joined them… and then got taken away by her baby rapist while everyone stood around like an idiot (except Clint, he's the only fucker who pointed out how stupid shit was). So, yeah, if she had a character based off that, I'd at least understand her. Like, I assume the alcholism was due to her bitter about the dimensional rapist baby thing, right? So, where should a character go after they have their bitter arc? Should she be world weary? Should she be pretending to be strong while she's falling apart inside? Should she think about her every move in detail? Should she be living life to the fullest because everyday could see her trapped in another dimension or inside the back of some mutant kid's mind? Fuck, ANYTHING would make her a CHARACTER. "Strong female" isn't anymore of a character than "Strong male" or "Strong dog", it's an empty label.

WHO THE FUCK IS CAROL DANVERS? I've never figured it out, because no one has ever told me.

She lost her cosmic powers and memories and started drinking according to wikipedia.

Hilariously they have a whole section on her characterization, most of it is talking about her fucking outfit, origin and how Marvel wants to market her. There's like two lines about her personality, which is just boils down to "strong female". Fucking amazing.

Wow, that's just… terrible.

Ya know who were well defined characters that people liked? Rhodey and Jennifer

Jennifer enjoyed sex, can't have that as your flagship female, safer to kill her. What? Tony's a giant slut? It's fine he's a man. We're very progressive at Marvel you know.

I always liked that Tony and Jennifer were the dual slut combo that made sure that every Avenger had the same STDs as the other avengers. They covered the whole team.

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It would be sexist of Tony to blame Carol for what happened, even though everything was her fault.

If it ends up being the fault of a reality warper causing this dumb shit, how likely it is for Bendis to use Scarlet Witch like that again?

Am I wrong here? I'm pretty sure no one gives a fuck about Carol Danvers. Even here on Holla Forums I bet if ten people read this post at least three of them will pause and go "Wait, who's Carol Danvers?"

Ms. Marvel/Capdyke Marvel.

The foundation for this conflict is Iron Man vs some c-lister who every attempt to popularize has only made her less popular.

The first Civil War was garbage, but at least some of the lines made sense. It made sense for government workers to support registration, and street vigilantes to all be against it. Captain America vs Iron Man made for interesting imagery from a purely visual standpoint. Cap had always been A-List, Tony had long been B-List but with the movies had ascended to A-List. On a man vs man level it works as well as Cap vs Cyclops, Cyclops vs Wolverine, Punisher vs. Daredevil.

But this? This is like Thor vs. Slapstick, Spider-Man vs Speedball, Storm vs Motormouth.

The more minor characters were certainly there in the background, and don't get me wrong it was cool. It was cool seeing characters like The Shroud and Typeface taking part in the final battle, but looking at these rosters, does anyone give a shit about any of these people besides The Avengers? And this isn't even a team of Avengers people like, it's a team of affirmative action hires designed specifically to anger the last few readers Marvel has. Whor, Falcon Cap, Morales, and Loeb Nova have no following, Ms. Marvel has a tiny following but not enough to justify her inclusion (I'd have loved to have seen her join a Young Avengers sort of team, though.

I've loved The Inhumans for years, but for one I'm in the vast minority, and second this version of them has been especially poorly received with the inclusion of random X-Men and Fantastic Four characters and the terrible treatment of Blackbolt.

Then you've got The Ultimates. The comic that tried to sell itself as "racelifting done right" but then had the characters mention being mostly black over and over. I despise Ms. America, I want to like Blue Marvel as a character, but he's basically just Icon mixed with Sentry again. I'm one of maybe three people who gives half a shit about Photon, Danvers was only ever good for cheesecake and they've made damn sure she's not anymore.

On top of everything else, we all know exactly how this is going to end for a thousand different reasons. Tony Stark is going to die at the end of this "event". Why? First off this is a retread of the last Civil War. They can't have him win both of them. Second, Marvel has buried it's face shoulder-deep in feminist cunt, the female character's breasts being shrunk across the board are (ironically) ample proof of this. They had She-Hulk halfassedly slip into a coma to protect against later accusations everyone will be making that Danvers was written as all-powerful and untouchable in the end of this. There's no way they'll end this with her smoking corpse. Not to mention all the images of Tony's helmet being crushed, smashed or smoking in some way. That's this event's version of the shield being destroyed.

The cover of Spider-Man facepalming over this shit happening AGAIN really sums the entire thing up perfectly.

I like that sorta thing because I really enjoy when the Inhumans' powers are treated as complete absolutes. Which is why I liked Blackbolt so much as well, he could destroy anything with his voice, it was portrayed as so powerful he didn't dare USE IT most of the time. So the only reason the Karnak seems silly here is the concept introduced a few pages before: Tony Stark can make a flawless robot that can beat him up. Simply because it's flawless somehow.

I haven'ted paid attention in years, how exactly did the Inhumans end up this shitty? I like Medusa, but I liked her a lot because she was the strong, loving, loyal wife of Blackbolt, a man that could never say a word to her. It's not like Cyclopes and Jean, him not being able to look at her without protective wear is basically a mild annoyance. But a husband who can never speak to his wife, who has to trust her to know his wishes by heart to help him rule his country… that's fucking awesome. That's a relationship that, like their powers, is an absolute, taken to the most extreme degree. Without that dynamic, I don't know what the core appeal of the group is.

SHITTY MEMES

Nope, Carol has always been a seat filler for cape teams that need an extra moderately powerful female. Rogue was a better Ms. Marvel than Carol ever was (in design and personality). Hell even the super hero squad show on cartoon network knew Carol was a total cunt and only tolerable on the sidelines.

His "successes" for Marvel have probably guaranteed a certain degree of job security. In a way, it's funny how loyal he's been to Marvel all these years even as most of his contemporaries (Millar, Vaughn, Kirkman) set out to find success in indie work. Even his recent non-MU work is published by a Marvel imprint (Icon).

Artificial hyping for a movie that's currently in limbo.

Bad writing

In Marvel NOW, the Inhumans weren't that great. Felt like they were rushed along and forced to fit into the rest of the MU very quickly instead of taking the time or staying to themselves. Now though, Uncanny Inhumans isn't very good while All New Inhumans is. Uncanny suffers from getting rid of the dynamic and love between Medusa and Black Bolt. Though Black Bolt does still love her very much. But the other issue is the art. Fuck 3D model "art". All New Inhumans is interestingly kinda nice. Feels almost out of Marvel's comfort zone they've been in for a while. Give it a shot if you want some hope for the Inhumans.

No. Comics are a visual medium. Everything about that cover repels me from it.

Marvel's not getting one red cent from me ever again until they apologize publicly for their treatment of the fans and either de-sexualize the male characters or re-sexualize the female ones. Fuck this garbage.

Remember when Medusa keeping a secret from Black Bolt just meant she wanted to have sex, instead of her beating him bloody for trying to take a seat on the throne?

I never knew shit about the Inhumans but, that sounds kinda sad.

And yet again she cause the future she tries to avoid. Fucking dyke

Fucking hell user. I'm picturing Thanos with the black&white stripes, an iron ball at the ankle and singing
nooooobody knows, the trouble I see

noooobody knows, but Jesus

Ulysses is a fucking instigator, he knows shit is going down and he's still pulling this I WAS TORTURED shit. Tony flicked him in the forehead and then pretended he was about to hit him.

Does he not realize the consequences of telling the Inhumans "I was tortured by Tony Stark"?

Hold on, what the fuck?

How did Medusa beat fucking BLACK BOLT?

She didn't.

He just fell down some stairs.

Why don't they erradicate the Inhumans?

At least mutants had some likeness because they still lived with humans. Those things just claim a plot of land they don't own and infect humans with their disgusting disease then call them part of their kingdom.

Because 1. the Inhumans live on the moon, 2. the Inhumans have helped humanity greatly in the past, and 3. the Inhumans have Blackbolt on their side. Nobody wants to piss off Blackbolt without a very good reason.

presumably because black bolt didn't want to annihilate her. Correct me if I'm wrong, but even at its weakest his power is far beyond non-lethal for most purposes.

I think he can do little zaps with his tuning fork, but any actual voice work, even a whisper, can be deadly as fuck. If I recall properly.

Then yeah, if he was holding back, she can probably go toe to toe with him. And given that they're married, him holding back would be unsurprising.

He might have the right idea though. Planet Hulk and World War Hulk were great. If they get rid of the SJW horseshit writing they might be able to reset all this bullshit again through World War Hulk 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Sorry user… there was already a world war hulk 2. It was called World War Hulks, and it make Hulk's girlfriend into the Red Shehulk.

What happened to her anyway?

honestly it felt mediocre.
I think Hulk should have gone full fucking cosmic.
Imagine him rallying his planet in War/Real of Kings or some shit.

Imagine the Hulk as a fucking cosmic power hitter.

she had some solo adventures, appeared that defenders series and then little else

She got depowered by Dr. Green.

Well, I too loved WWH because it was finally the time where hulk could get revenge on all those assholes who fired him on a rocket.

How forgiving of Stark would you be?

I'd be super furious & would want him to pay for kidnapping me at the absolute least.

this. just realized this too

yeah that's true but the delivery just felt clumsy

I don't know, but he doesn't really seem to have been harmed too much. Granted, Tony should have asked the inhumans first, but Rhodey just died so his judgement is a little impaired.

That's what everyone predicted, though.

Just canning what had so much potential fucking cut the momentum.

I miss A-Bomb.

Now that brings another question. What happened to Dr. Green?

Wasn't he going to turn into Maestro?

Doc Green decided not to use the serum that would make his intelligence permanent. So 616 Maestro didn't happen and Doc Green reverted back to Hulk.

Wow, how many let downs.

I'm starting to believe that was just "there are too many hulks, so let's erase them" the arc.

Pretty much, yeah.

Now we are talking about the Hulk gang, what happened to Hulk's alien friends? I know that one transfered his powers to some SHIELD's agent, but what about the rest?

And I guess we won't get more about Skarr and Green Scar.

I never read much of the Inhumans, but stuff like this is kinda charming to me.

I do love A-bomb, not sure what it is.
All these gamma monsters around and he's just a cool guy

Who knows, maybe you'll see them again soon since Pak is writing and he wrote Warbound and all the worldbreaker hulk stories

Check out Paul Jenkin's maxi-series.
Brilliant self contained series

There are too many hulks, but that doesn't make writing them off with pen-strokes the brightest of ideas.

The real problem is how mixed up the writers are, these days. Aside from their obvious Marxist politics toiling the whole lot, they just can't grasp that this shit is for popcorn, and not their grandstand on why Nazism is terrible. It's either that, or power creep, for them.

You know cape comics are usually pretty fucking easy. You build up your villain. And have your hero beat them. If you did in good way people will respond to it well. "Invincible" does a great job building their villains.

Instead marvel shits out a soap opera instead. Fuck this shit.

God that's annoying

You know what's funny, you can just skim the pages and see how little action there is versus the amount of dialogue. I believe it was Will Eisner that said that if your word bubbles begin to outweigh your pictures that you are in the wrong line of business.

Sick thing is, they give out Eisner awards to these people all the time.

Seeing the "All new" avengers get bodied by uber hulk is too satisfying. Wish we could have saw the actual beating.

PROTECT CHANGE THE THE FUTURE FUTURE

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The Eisners don't mean shit. They're INDUSTRY AWARDS. They're trophies given out to people who suck the most cock.

Ulysses a dumb fuck

They should rename it so Will Eisner name is no longer soiled by associated with that shit

Did Tony just make this kid check his privilege or something?

Shit writing all around. It's not even about painting a hero bad. This is straight up deviant art shit tier fan boy writing.

Yeah, all they had to do was say that the ambush had MINUTES to be set up or something, otherwise nothing makes sense because they start the whole event with everyone showing up for an unknown enemy. I'm sure with 3 hours warning you could call in Tony and bitch Thor and they could do a lot more to beat the shit out of Thanos than most of the team they brought with them. And that's just two people, any of the magic crew they gathered for the last battle could have done a lot to help out too.

I still say setting up a OPM style threat level system solves basically every problem that comes up from things, if the kid really is seeing the future (and not just creating it).

That's going right up there with all the other torturous methods we have witnessed throughout the Marvel mythos. Oh, the brutality!

Just convince them he was racist and they'll replace him like Lovecraft… though you'd probably have better luck with the argument "he's an old white dude! Shouldn't the award represent progress in the industry!? Why not a woman of color?"

Carol has 3 different hair styles before the comic even starts. 2 of which are on the same page. She's supposed to be an A-lister now and artists can't give enough of a shit about her to keep a hair-do consistant.

Boy, this sure is a professionally written story written by a professional.

Kill yourself Stark

Why the fuck would you go to Banner? Jesus fucking Christ woman, can you not see this self-fulfilling prophesy coming from a mile away? Leave the green rage machine alone you retard.

I actually am working on a comic idea with a character who has a similar hair style to one of Carol's styles, and now I'm really worried about consistency. I might revise the style I chose to something I can find more real life reference to just so I don't have to worry about fumbling around with my main characters hair from page to page.

I mean, unless Carol's hair is up or down or to the side depending on her mood, someone really needs to establish that shit so the reader knows.

Back when the original Civil War was ongoing, a big part of it was to ask fans "whose side are you on?". Over time, it morphed into 3 camps:
- Team Captain America
- Team Iron Man
- Team You're All Fucked When Hulk Gets Back

Seems Marvel took note and is now planting the seeds to do another World War Hulk storyline after this one wraps up, seeing as the Hulk currently has no reason to have beef with the Marvel Universe, or even show up at all.

I used to think I couldn't hate any writer more than Joss Whedon.

But lo and fuckin' behold, here comes Brain Benis.

I'm reminded of Zombie Simpsons.

Marvel isn't so depraved to make a World War Hulk sequel after this, right?

Right?

They're just gonna copy everything, and make it more "PC".

Well, since I always felt that World War Hulk only succeeded because Civil War did such a good making you hate everyone, they seem to have a solid plan. Civil War II might not be a coherent story, it may be thrown together last minute and have no punch… but everyone in the story is portrayed as a fucking annoying idiot. So a story where Hulk kicks everyone's ass again at least would have some degree of satisfaction tied to it.