Anyone here gotta poop?

Anyone here gotta poop?
If so go and then tell me how many wipes it took until you were clean.

Funny, I'm pooping right now.

It's taking a few minutes. I think I need to drink more water.

Here is a poophole

That and more fiber.

I eat pleanty of fiber, but I've been eating a higher than average amount of cheese lately, so that probably doesn't help.

Still pooping.

I'm at that point where I think I'm done, but it feels like there might be a tiny amount left, so I'm pushing hard to get it out.

No definitely not. Though understandable.

I'm also still pooping. Well just sitting on the toilet.

Proof

Want to share poop pics after we're done?

Y-you first.

Fuck it. Most of mine sank down the hole already…

I don't have a pen in the bathroom, so I lit a match and used the charcoal to write up my timestamp.

Fuck. That's intense.
Great thinking Mcgyver

Resourceful. Why didn't you use your own shit?

And the results.

Two wipes (I'm a wadder) plus my toiletpaper timestamp.

Because I could get better penmanship out of the finer charcoal-match pencil.

I guess you could say that you're shitposting

That was a shitty pun.

>>>/fart/

Cleanup isle 2

...

OP here.
Pooping again.

Nice

tasty
>>>/fart/

Did you wipe this time ?

why start now?

I don't need to wipe when I poop because I don't eat meat and cheese. veggie poops are amazingly clean.

It's true.

Just finished pooping, twas a bit runny, so I'm expecting more wipes

It took 5 wipes
(Folded toilet paper, using right hand, reaching through the front and wiping from the back to the front)

I take 3 squares of toilet paper, then fold it in half twice, leaving a 0.75 length piece that is 4 times the thickness of a square.

How do you fold your toilet paper?

Forming your toilet paper into a loose wad gives you far more surface area, better contouring, and less chance of exposure for your hand.

Folding a shit.

if poop falls on the table, do you just wipe it with a dry paper and call the table clean?

if no, why do you do it with your ass?

5 big wipes. mostly mucus. kinda worried.

Mucus… mmmmmmm

3 wipes here.

It's like wiping your ass with a babby lamb.
Toilet paper is for suckers.

OP here again. Taking another poop after work. Glorious.

Folding gives the toilet paper better contact with the skin though.
Your fingers can slide the toilet paper between the ass cheeks.

And (provided you don't fold too many times) I'm fairly sure it uses less toilet paper than scrunching on the whole.

Usually, it takes under 3 wipes, so with folding, that's (3 squares per wipe x 3 wipes ) 9 squares of toilet paper.

With scrunching, I'd guess that you use at least 6 squares per scrunch? And then you have at least 2 wipes, so that's at least 12 squares.


If poop falls on the table, I'd wipe it off, get disinfectant, and sanitise the table.
Are you suggesting that I spray disinfectant on my butt every time after I poop?

...

OP here. Another clean after work poop down the drain.

Because I don't eat off my butthole. In fact I don't touch it at all, except when wiping it.

Not even when you shower?

Nope. I don't even soap my butthole, just let the water stream clean it. If you soap it you end up with bacteria imbalances. There's literally no reason to unless you're engaging in some form of buttsex.

It's never clean. I guess I'll always be dirty inside. I have constant diarrhea. I take fiber, eat oatmeal, take anti-diarrheal pills, but still it's just an itchy brown flood every time I shit.

And I wipe, and wipe, but the inside of my asshole is always still covered in shit. I end up having to stick the toilet paper in there and circle around, but I just end up doing this until there's specks of blood and then I stop.


What are you, some filthy fucker walking around with a shitty ass? I told you, it's diarrhea. I'm constantly sweating. Even if it's not leaking out now, if I leave it in there with the sweat, farts, and the passage of time eventually it will leak out. Eventually it will make my ass burn and stain my pants. So it must be cleansed.

Sometimes I just give up and take a shower.

Uh… What.

I'm right there with you man.
It's like wiping a marker

Well find me a reason then.

...

Possible Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), Coeliac disease, or Crohn's disease.

Look at some dietary recommendations and see if that makes an improvement.
I would also recommend a consultation with a suitable health professional to help confirm diagnosis and structure treatment plan. You don't have to live the rest of our life like that.

Because my ass isn't a table and people aren't shitting on top of it

I try to time it so I either shit in the morning and then shower right after, or at night time directly after working out.

On average, how many sheets of toilet paper should you use per wipe?

Gall Bladder cancer

more likely


Gallbladder cancer is more bile and blood with localised pain.

So you don't smell
Itch
Feel like shit all day.

No to all three. Washing with soap is what makes it itch because it dries it out and kills good bacteria

I've got an issue with my shits at the moment, advice is welcome.

When I go to grow a tail, there's always a bit that stays in my clackervalve (usually comprises about a third of the overall shit) and it hangs for a while before allowing me to finally tap the ash off.

It's a similar feeling to being constipated, but it only happens with the final third of the gorilla finger. What the fuck is going on?

I thought everyone was like that

Op here again.
A two wiper this time
since there is no such thing as a one wiper