Hey Holla Forums, so I'm a few beers in and I've been thinking about some of my past sexual encounters. And, honestly, I feel like telling a story. So sit the fuck back and let me spin you some yarn about the worst sex I can remember.
Don't remember why we're having a bon fire. Celebrating something. Possibly my birthday.
I have to explain my room a bit:
So I don't have a normal room. My room is connected to my house, but there is no door leading to the rest of my house. You have to go outside first if you want to go to the kitchen, bathroom, whatever. This also means I don't have quick access to anything that isn't already in my room.
At the time of this party I was cleaning some trash out of my room (fast food bags, cans of soda, food. I'm a slob. Judge me.) but I hadn't finished when my friends showed up. So I just had this black trash bag sitting in the middle of my floor full of old gross fast food and leftovers from dinner. It stunk.
Back to the story…
Keep in mind, I'm drunk at this point as well, but no where near as drunk as she is
...
Well, that's my story. I wish I had a picture of her, but after the breakup she blocked me online and I've long since deleted those pictures. Sorry guys.
I guess if there's a moral to this, it'd be: If you're going to bang the drunk chick, don't do it in your room. Do it in your roommates.
Why did you not just finish in her butt? The puke wasn't going any where. Do you regret that?
Honestly, the thought did briefly cross my mind after her the first gush of puke, but when that second one came I realized she was covering everything around my bed and I just didn't want to get puke on all my things.
Nah, I don't regret it. It's a fun story to tell.
Good story. 7/10 me thinks. Anywho, i have to agree with this user
Why not finish?
Anywho, anymore stories?
Yeah, slow night. Give us another.
Unfortunately, I don't have any interesting sex tales of my own. (I don't think there's enough deep breaths in the world that could prepare a girl for my deviations.) but I do have some interesting tales from my security guard/rent-a-cop days if you all are interested.
I totally would but I've been up since 6 a.m. and it's almost 1 a.m. here, so I'm almost asleep in my chair. Maybe I'll post on Sunday.
Do it, man.
Spill 'em
that's a good story
you should really ask before putting your thumb or your penis up someone's butt though
you just admitted to anal rape
and as interesting and funny as that is, it's probably not a good idea to brag about it
why weren't you a better man to her? why didn't you teach her to lose weight and be your cockslave?
you could have had her begging you to put it in her ass.
i at least got a girl to agree to it before pegging her in the butt
you kids these days are reckless
Very well.
Most recent one:
Anyway, It basically went like this.
(I recommend bleach, by the way.)
And that's the story of how I had a staring contest with a scantily clad lot lizard in the middle of winter while she waited for her john to unhook his trailer.
That post started white-knight as fuck and ended in S&M.
Regardless, I told her about it that next day and she was cool with it. Said she'd done it before and wasn't against the idea. It is what it is.
lol you told her
i can't think of the worst sex ive had, it's all been pretty good
i got poop on my dick once
that kinda sucked
really turned me off to anal
okay i got one
the next day she wakes up and im almost sober and we talk and decide to spend the day together. i take a swig of 151 for breakfast. she is all emotional still and we walk around town and i buy her some weird flowers from some hippie and buy her breakfast and she totally falls in love me again
and we go back to her place and fuck
can't remember her name.. still remember that red dress though
...
i couldn't help but laugh at that part too
is there any difference between vaginal and anal besides the dick going in the pooper? It seems more like the mental stimulation than the physical act, but I've always wanted to try anal with a girl.
it's very different
i know this may sound odd, but anal has always struck me as a bit gay. there is really no difference between a man's anus and a woman's.
anal seems great in theory. in practice..
the main difference between anal and vaginal sex is that anal is much tighter and it's difficult to thrust as deeply as you can during vaginal sex. it feels great, sure, but you need a bunch of lube and there may be unexpected difficulties that you can't truly appreciate until you see them firsthand
I wanna give a girl the good ol' full anal nelson. she can't escape that.
my dick size is around 5'', so maybe I could thrust all the way in.
ill share one of my favorites i guess
childhoodruined.jpg
she was fun for a while but she definitely wasnt right in the head, daddy issues etc etc, i seriously felt like one day she would go to the cops or some shit b/c i slept with her best friend in a dream
No, the moral of the story is don't choose trashy girls as your girlfriends who drink a lot and don't respect themselves enough to allow themselves to get fat, that last one is a big red flag.
I don't know how you guys keep doing this.
You would have perhaps if she wasn't a piece of trash like she is but you knew she was exactly where she belonged.
...
Good stories itt. Bump so other people can read it this morning.
what you drinking?
I've got some Old Empire IPA goin here
Bump for quality story thread.
She sounds like a feisty one