The air is thick as the full capacity crowd waits in total darkness.
Louis CK is 15 minutes late to start his set.
Suddenly, the thunderous roar of African war drums and elephant cries rings out.
The spotlights focus centre stage.
A battalion of proud black militants lead Louis on stage in nothing but a short pink nightgown, face covered in makeup wearing a bob-cut blonde wig.
"Fans, tonight is the night that i fulfil my destiny and duty as a sissy white bitch, tonight is the night I lose my manhood forever."
"Don't do it Louis! It doesn't have to be this way!" Yells a solitary caucasian voice from the crowd, unable to hold his tongue any longer.
"Ayo shut da fuck up BITCH" booms Tyrique, asserting his nubian dominance. The silent tension builds for mere seconds before the hecklers neck is snapped by a sympathetic white subject, purely to bring the attention back to the stage. The mans wife is stripped naked and dragged away, presumably to a new life of rape and forced black impregnation.
"As I was saying" quivered Louis, "Under the counsel of my advisors, I have decided to forego that which I do not deserve, my right to reproduce. As we speak, my daughters are being shipped to Sudan to repay my debt to our new black overlords. Now without furher adieu, let us begin!"
Within seconds, Louis is impaled anally and orally with 36 inches of black tube steak. While DeMarcus and Javhonte destroy his masculine pride metaphorically, Quintavius pulls out a machete the size of a small child, personally blessed by Joseph Kony and his top shamans and in one swing, removes it literally.
Louis screams in both pain and liberation as the wound is cauterised with a flaming baobab branch, all the while the two bucks never missing a beat with their relentless spit-roasting.
Finally, some 2 hours later after all the bulls have satisfied themselves in his holes he is dragged away but not without first issuing a final statement.
"I shall now be known as LOUISE CUCK"