1984 - Alt Right Edition

Editor’s Note: this piece of work is a complete and total fiction. Nothing in this work has factual, metaphorical, juxtapositional, satirical, or inter-dimensional connection to the physical world. Furthermore, every character or institution in this work is categorically separate from reality and has no factual or relational basis to anything at all.

I

The year was 2865 and Manly Richards was feeling good. He was 18 years old and newly graduated from Fatlips Cockblower School. Fat Cock was the most prestigious school in the nation and perhaps the world. Graduates were widely called Good Old Cocks, and current students affectionately called each other Little Weenies. In addition to graduation, Manly turned 18 during an odd-numbered year so he wasn’t drafted to fight in the wars. Sure he paid lip service to the troops, but he was a coward and suspected he would last five minutes tops in a training camp. Things were going well for him, and he knew it.

There was one problem though: he liked consensual sex for the purpose of procreation. In the Empire, that was a major offense. In fact, if a thought police heard the mention of a consy in a community, the entire area would be quarantined within a 50 mile radius. Even the word “consensual” was banned because it implied that humans had freedom of choice. The teepees didn’t fuck around when it came to the issue of suspected consies.

Manly knew that his whistle was clean, though. He was the official Gay on Gay Alliance (GGA) ambassador for Fat Cock and received every award available at the school in Traditional Gay Sex classes. In fact, not only had he aced the classes with flying colors, his works were considered official canon by major scholars in the field already. At the end of the summer, he would be going to New Boston, Mississippi to study under the leading scholar of homosex studies in the world: Fanny Nutsack. A Lesbian Studies expert, Nutsack led the Trad Gay movement before it was officially state-sanctioned and convinced the donors at her college to establish the first Traditional Gay Sex Studies department in the nation, the Sappho School of Historical Queerness. Manly would study under the best and brightest minds, and he knew it. The sneaking suspicion that someone would call his bluff terrified him though.

No matter. This summer would be fun. Some of his buddies were in town and they were sure to have a grand old time. Even though gay sex made him feel sick, he had to admit that no one knows how to handle a cock and balls like a dude. One friend in particular, John Nosack, really knew how to work a phallus. Having years of experience since infancy, John could suck a mean cock. Milo II legalized pedophilia in 2763 under the Nambla Decrees, and young guys like John were now mastering the art of fellatio. He also had an advantage because he lived by one principle alone: it’s not who you know, it’s who you blow.

Other urls found in this thread:

vocaroo.com/i/s1jfGQAhjtaS
youtube.com/watch?v=Gi1ual32Nic
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Plus, [child swimsuits] had recently released a hit new sim that was popular among people everywhere: Dick and Shorty. Depicting an elderly, alcoholic pedophile and a nerd that children and the feeble minded alike could point and laugh at, the show received great ratings. Anyone with a full-body VR suit could act out the role of Dick’s verbal abuse on both the giving and receiving end. Manly especially enjoyed the romantic elements where Dick would briefly glance at Shorty and vice versa in loving ways.

It was 6:35 pm exactly when Manly turned on his Reality Simuset to perform the newest episode of Dick and Shorty. At 6:37, he received a text that caught his attention.

II

“Get your twink ass over here ;)” from an unknown number. Manly was skeptical of the source, but the phrasing sounded familiar.

“Who’s this cuteboy?? (kiss emoji)”

“You know me and my tight little ass very well”

“Ooooohhhh, naughty naughty ;)”

“You wanna come over to my place?”

“Who is this again?”

“It’s Hairy. I mean Harry… silly me”

“Oooooo, let’s re-enact homecoming again you dirt dobbler”

“Sounds good to me. Meet me at Xanadu at 10. And bring those nice little chaps I bought you”

“Sure thing sugar balls. See you then ;)”

Manly took his Simuset helmet off and chucked it across the room. Fake water and fish flooded his apartment as his Virtuquarium simulated a real break in its hardware. Damn they’re meticulous with those things, Manly thought. His mind quickly darted to a more pressing matter: Xanadu.

God he hated that place. His secret nickname for it was Ass Blast Central. All people do there is fuck each other against their will. He secretly loathed it. As a TGS scholar though, the history of the place peaked his curiosity.

Xanadu was founded in 2054 as the first urban country club where members could buttfuck their friends and clients without their wives knowing about it. As the institution of marriage slowly faded away, however, it turned into more of an elite nightclub for rich men and their young butt sluts. Now it exclusively serves the well to do, young and old.

None of it really mattered to Manly though. He just wanted to stay at home and simulate true love. Fuck it, he muttered, I’ll go. He had a reputation to uphold.

III

At 9:50, Manly stepped out of his apartment building and hailed a cab. As soon as he sat down in the back seat, he yelled “to the gayest place on Earth, and step on it.” The cab driver slowly turned around to reveal a white bandana over his face and released a moan. In a perverse re-enactment of the Kennedy assassination, the driver’s head exploded. Chunks of brain and coagulated blood hit Manly’s face and landed in his mouth. Before he knew what happened, a large black dildo connected with his head and rendered him unconscious.

IV

Manly’s eyelids fluttered. He couldn’t move anything but his head and neck. A flood light blinded him.

“Where the fu-”

A pink blur slapped him across the face. He knew those ridges from somewhere.

“Hcchou will speek when speeken to, darlen!” yelled a familiar voice with a vaguely exotic accent.

Oh shit, Manly thought. It’s Genghis.

Genghis Muhammad was one of Manly’s former classmates at Fat Cock. A Bengali prince of considerable wealth, Genghis had made a name for himself at FC for spending considerable sums on his white lovers. Manly remembered that he even bought his friend Matt a lambo in exchange for a handjob. Although Genghis had won friends with money, one thing had irked him throughout his career at Fat Cock: Manly had refused to rape him. Genghis begged and pleaded with Manly to rape him, sometimes hitting Manly with a ridged, silicone buttplug in the shape of the prophet Mohammed’s head. The efforts were fruitless though.

Genghis repulsed Manly. He had weird bumps on his butt that made Manly think he had anal herpes. More importantly, Genghis had an obscene face. All the kids at Fat Cock joked that his brood father had tried to put him back into the vat when he was an infant at the Palestinian clone lab. Regardless of the circumstances, the man was horrifying.

“Now darlen you have no choice but to plug my brown hole!” Genghis said as he raised his androgyburka over his exposed anus and pointed it toward his predator and prey. Manly accepted his fate as Genghis awkwardly waddled toward him. All of the sudden, the light flickered off, leaving the two near lovers in dark silence. Awestruck, Manly would both praise and regret the next couple of minutes for years to come.

V

“In the name of Allah!” the thick accent pierced the silence.

Manly heard a physical struggle and what he believed was the sound of handcuffs snapping shut.

The lights turned on suddenly. It took Manly a moment to adjust his eyes to his surroundings.

Two white and black blurs slowly turned into men dressed in black tuxedos bedazzled with glitter. Clones of the WASP-145 variety, the men immediately struck Manly as thought police.

“What happened here?” one of the agents asked.

“He tried to rape me.” Manly said.

“Did he injure you beyond normal sexual protocols?” Agent 1 asked.

“No.” Manly said.

“What flashed through your mind as he tried to pounce on you?” Agent 2 interjected.

“I thought that he could’ve just asked me for it.”

Manly knew he was dead meat before the agents blew tranq powder up his nose.

Fuck me, Manly thought as he drifted into unconsciousness.

VI

A wave of cold woke Manly from his sleep. He was dripping wet and strapped to a chair.

Manly quickly made notes of his surroundings. Big solid metal door, cast iron table, meat-hooks on the walls, rainbow colored dildo.

Manly knew exactly where he was. The teepees brought him to the Manhattan Edugaytion Center for Concentrated Analplay. MECCA for short, the institution was notorious for converting consies into bonafide rapists. In the consy newsletters that Manly had read in seedy clubs, many stories talk about their friends who went to MECCA. They never came back with anything but rape on their minds.

The door slammed open. An old man dressed in a white lab coat carried rubber gloves in one hand and a three-foot long silicone arm and fist in the other hand.

“Hello Mr. Richards. You can probably guess where you are.”

Manly averted his gaze and stared at the floor.

“No matter. We can either do this the hard way or the harder way. In either scenario, you’re going to be mercilessly fucked until you love rape of your own accord.”

For the first time in his life, Manly stood up for himself.

“I will never love rape! Give me romance or give me death!”

The man stared at Manly.

“This is going to be more difficult than I thought. Open wide.”

Manly kept his mouth closed. Suddenly, two meaty hands came from behind him and forced a medical utensil into his mouth. Within moments, Manly’s jaw was stretched almost a foot and snapped out of socket.

“I wish for your throat’s sake that we didn’t have to do this, Mr. Richards.”

The technician used both arms to point the fist directly at Manly’s mouth. He slowly approached Manly and stopped as the knuckles brushed Manly’s teeth.

“Are you re-”

Before the man finished his question, the black fist had plunged down Manly’s throat, traveled past his esophagus and entered his stomach. Tears squirted from Manly’s eyes. He had never known pain until this exact moment.

“-dy?” A smile briefly flickered over the man’s face but quickly vanished.

Everything in Manly throbbed. Imagine giving birth to 10 babies through your mouth at the same time. This was worse.

“Do you understand now why you must love rape, Mr. Richards?”

Manly’s eyes opened wide, as if to answer.

“Blink once for no, twice for yes.”

Manly managed to get one blink in before the hands held his eyes open with their sausage fingers and slipped medical hooks under them. Again, Manly squirted tears from his eyes out of sheer pain.

“So that’s a no, huh? Very naughty, Mr. Richards.”

A smile danced across the technician’s lips.

“Turn him around.”

VII

The evening after, Manly found himself at Xanadu. Something beautiful crossed his mind but extinguished before he had time to think about it.

The hit single “Rape me” by Virgina blurted out of the speakers in the walls.

Manly smiled.

I have ADHD and I can't read all of this.

Ok, I'll make a TLDR and you can decide whether to read the whole thing for yourself after that.

TLDR: man enjoys consensual sex but it's banned because he lives in a dystopia where gay rape is encouraged because it's traditional. He gets kidnapped by an Bengali classmate from high school but is saved by thought police. When the thought police question him, he reveals that he supports consensual sex (aka he's a consy). He is sent to an edugaytion camp where he learns to love gay rape

Hahahaha!
Holy fuck kek for sure I will give it a try.

Sounds good. Let me know what you think.

...

Year 2865 and every thing seems so old fashioned imho.
It should have had more ethnic references thoug.
It was a wild gay read damn and I thought the Norwegian gay guy from Holla Forums was scandalously gay.
Damn.
Lol
Also damn that old man was just too detailed I wonder your mind dwells.

I basically condensed 1984 into like 5 posts. Of course it was going to be detailed. Thank you though.

The thing is, it seems "old-fashioned" because alt-right nutters have taken over at that point and established a new world order where only men survive. Gay sex has become "traditional" at that point (a la Paul Joseph Watson and Milo Yiannapolous have spread their vile filth). Milo II was an emperor who legalized pedophilia, for instance. I'm basically making fun of right wingers who somehow reconcile gay sex and pedophilia as not only normal, but also traditional (see Homosexuality in Ancient Greece) and upholding Western values.

It's actually not very long for a short story.

Yeah but if you added a little bit more ethnic references it would have poked more fun at the alt- right I actually had a huge laugh when I read about milo ll and young guys like john mastering the fellatio.
But it would have been better if it was more futuristic.

Fair enough. Thanks for the critique. I appreciate the fancy that you actually read it haha.

What would say as far as racial critique? Maybe talk more about the gay Muslim guy and how he's not racially pure for Manly?

The *fact damn autocorrect

I did a thing

vocaroo.com/i/s1jfGQAhjtaS

God bless you Christian soldier hahahaha

*comrade

I forgot I was on Holla Forums for a second. That was incredible though. You should make audiobooks for a living lol.

I can actually picture him doing that and becoming full porky once the shekels start appearing in his bank account.

Oh good lord hahahhahaaahahahahahahah

I think reading leftypol copypasta is a higher calling in itself.

Where's part 2?

I don't think it's gonna happen.

Wow.

gay cyberpunk?

I'm going to upload a full reading on YouTube

Post link when you do. Can't wait to hear it. You should use pics from 1984 and just pics of dildos and stuff for it.

I tried to read your fanfic and failed.

...

Will do.

The name of the piece is "Manly Richards: A Story of Americock" btw.

Way too much projection m8. Seek help pedophilia is not natural.

Wow. That's pretty gay.

...

Very.

Hey, any update on the vid?

Should have it up this arvo

Sounds good.

Ok here's the reading, user

youtube.com/watch?v=Gi1ual32Nic

Based Bat'ko does it again

In the future I hope people invent machines so that people can fuck others with their voices…

Found this on something awful. Its a police thriller about a libertarian cop.

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

Wtf I'm a manarchist now.

Bat'ko for divinely ordained king of eternity.

holy shit

Not bad. I think the Alt Right deserves a bigger dicking though.

This was actually written by a newspaper journalist in America iirc. It's been posted here many times. Batko should make a video of it tbh, maybe get some drawfags to help since it's a classic.

It's honestly not as funny as Manly Richards imho (read h as humble)

i've seen that copypasta atleast 3 years ago. well before internet libertarians, bronies/gamergate and family court dads coealesed into the alt-right

Fair enough. Very prescient given it was created in 2014.

youtube.com/watch?v=qLWuwicKgh4

TV Amerikwa is Alt Right

Part 2 when?