Depression Thread

I'm somewhat in the same boat but I just got found out about online jobs.
They're usually freelance and pay around minimum wage or better. You can transcribe audio, freelance write articles, even tutor little chinese kids in English over webcam. I'm trying to get into freelance writing right now but people will pay $25-$50 for 500 word articles to put on their site. Like really basic shit like 5 ways to speed up your computer. You can write about anything you're well versed in and companies will possibly buy it. Full time, it's not unheard of to make $1k a week if you're a good writer. The tutoring is my next goal. There's a shit ton of chinese kids who are just looking for an american to try to have a conversation with over webcam or a phone app. Some require Bachelor's degrees but I'm pretty sure there are some that don't.

I'm a college dropout, 2 year neet. I'm just trying to get some money to get on medication and back into coding.

Sheeeeit, I've been there. I used to think about getting laid in every waking moment. Then I got my dick wet, and nothing changed. I got a job working at a panera bread, and I'd come home every day too tired to even play vidya or read a book. At no point did a magical curtain part and allow me to bask in this "fulfillment".

Don't chase pussy, and don't be a wageslave. It's not going to make you feel any better. FALC or bust.

Do you follow up with your applications? I've never not gotten an interview or a job offer from following up on applications. Just go into the place after a couple of days and leave your name and phone number for the hiring manager. Ask to talk to them in person if they are there. Trust me, I have depression and PTSD, but this shit's actually really easy. Just follow up. And don't stop following up after one followup. Keep going back and bugging the manager. You won't ever seem desperate, trust me.

The educated are more likely to unionize :)

...

Having a job really improves things, even if you are being exploited. If you can't get a job, you will continue to face major difficulties. Not only do few alternative streams of income exist, it's culturally still a big stigma to be unemployed.

You still won't be happy, but at least you will feel like you contribute, and be able to afford whatever personal opium you need to live through it.

i'm interested in your relationship to porn. based on what you've said here, you seem to have quite the ambivalent relationship to it. what is it exactly about porn that is so appealing to you?

bro it totally drains your essences

Leave your degree off. These places don't check.

You should try to get rid of the shame.
I'm a neet to, 29 years old. Spent a lot of time ashamed, and in hindsight I think it's the number one most destructive feeling there is. Even if the shame sometimes can urge you to do "something good", it will never really work out, because it becomes a half-assed attempt.
You have to figure out what you want and how to get it, and be honest to yourself, don't pretend to want something because it's "the right thing" to want.
Have you read Stirner?

Pornography is really the ultimate escape for me. It's the only thing I've ever really felt addicted to. Whenever I did drugs all the time it was mostly just passive habits that I had a really easy time kicking. Even cigarettes, who friends of mine literally allow to bankrupt them, were really easy to stop. I went without a drink or any type of drug for about two years. But porno I've never been able to fully quit and I'm not for sure why.

My main theory is that it basically is the only thing where I literally don't think at all. Even if I'm on downers or opiates I still have all these thoughts running in the back of my head most of the time, but with porn it literally just all goes away. Everything melts away except for my boner and whatever video I'm watching. I also don't know if this means anything but the particular type of porn I most like is Femdom because it literally makes it so that the point of my life is absolutely nothing but to do whatever the dominatrix is saying at the time and then for a brief moment afterwords I feel fulfilled.

I also use it as a replacement for actually talking to women. I'm a lot better about that than I used to be, but I'm still a virgin and still haven't had a girlfriend since I was 16 despite having several opportunities. I just let women forget about me for some reason, I even ignore them if they seem interested idk what the fuck is wrong with me. I honestly feel this is a whole other can of worms and I try not to think about it as much as possible.

The only time I tried to follow up at all I got yelled at and told not to call back because they'd call me back and that was for fucking Goodwill so I just figured everywhere would be like that. And then I got a few rejection letters before I even got the chance to follow up in my e-mail.

Honestly I know it's stupid but I can't handle rejection even if it's from a shit-tier fast food restaraunt. This whole experience has basically made me realize that nobody except for maybe my parents and my close friends (who I've been seeing less and less of lately) don't even view me as a human in this society.

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Don't call in to follow up. Go there in person. If the person yells at you, which I don't actually believe they did, ask to speak to an actual manager. Goodwill hires retard degenerates and opiate addicts, so don't expect kindly treatment from them. Go to Taco Bell or something. I get not being able to handle rejection, I used to be terrible at it, until I realized that peoples' opinions are irrelevant and I need to keep moving forward.

Egoism is pretty much the single most cancerous thing you could recommend anyone, let alone a NEET.

A much better recommendation would be to study Stoicism.
If one lacks the personal strength for Stoicism, I would recommend Technocratic Philosophy - Finding fulfillment and happiness based upon ones worth to the collective whole.

I can relate to pretty much all of this.
The only difference being that I'm a wage-slave.
If it were not for opiates/alcohol and my undying belief in Technocracy, I would have killed myself years ago.

get spooked nerd

Literally all can be solved by entering/forming a political organization.

OP I'm going to level with you: there's no excuse not to get your GED. They have free online classes that you can do at home FFS

WRONG.

it's not stupid, it's completely natural, we do what our bodies and brains tells us to do. But it can be reprogrammed, one way of doing that is cognitive therapy and so called Cognitive restructuring. You should check it out. It's best with the help of a psychotherapist, but you can do it on your own to.

don't have the confidence or energy for that

firstly, it's my opinion that the femdom is a huge factor here. if we think about your relationship to porn as an obsession, which, due to your influx of positive and negative feelings about porn, it seems to be imo (and i don't mean that in a derogatory sense), then your feelings about it probably have much deeper implications than just wanting to get off. something to think about might be: what was happening in your life when you starting watching porn? what anxieties were present when porn became a thing you think about?

i doubt there's anything wrong with you in some kind of biological/deterministic sense or something, it seems more so like there are parts of yourself which you don't yet understand, which is completely natural. if you're up to it, i think seeing a psychotherapist would really benefit you. not a necessity, but something to think about.

You're going to have to drag yourself out of your rut somehow fam, there are no magic words or the perfect platitude that anyone can say to you to change how you feel.

this cuts a bit too close my dude

Okay so, do this. Close your eyes, put on your favorite music and I want you to speak, in the little voice with which you can speak to yourself in your head, and I want you to command the energy center in your brain to turn on, then read a book for an hour, or listen to an audiobook, whichever you prefer. Do this every day. In the course of a couple of weeks, this is what caused me to quit my job and go searching for a new one. I got an interview within the first few days. Also get your GED or take a proficiency exam, for real man.

This shit is honestly the reason I have been advocating for memes to be banned.

Take small steps, everyone. Please.

Don't be so hard on yourselves. We are in a difficult place in life. However, this doesn't give you an excuse not to try to improve your situation.

I used to be a hikikomori. I was able to break out of it and am in a much better place now. Still poor, but I have my own apartment and I eat regularly. Maybe I didn't have it as bad as others, but I want you all to know that you can break through this.

It's a cliche, so I'll edit it slightly: things CAN get better.

They only get better if you try to make them better. It doesn't help when there is a huge load of shit in your way either. Just take small steps, you don't need to change your life in one day.

I don't have the science down, but I can relay what I've read somewhat accurately. Take this with a grain of salt:

In my job hunting experience I've found follow ups to me more trouble than they're worth. This is shit from the Boomer era where you could get a job literally anywhere and they were kinda needed because there was a good chance your paper application was genuinely lost. Nowdays a lot of big companies have computers that auto-sort anyone without the right qualifications out. It's not that they forgot you applied, they just get so many of the same applications that they pick someone at random and don't want to be pestered with brown-nosers. Here's a hint: if anyone over the age of 40 gives you job advice tell them to go fuck themselves. 90% of that "just show up and work hard and kiss their ass" stuff doesn't work anymore.

It took me about 20 applications (all online with those god-awful quizes) before I got a single callback, and that was weeks after I applied. Unfortunately it's an employers market right now and workers get fucked in the ass, but you gotta do it.

You sound like an awfully stupid person so I'm happy with your misery

Why?

Secondly, especially if you are a NEET or hikikomori, consider taking a media fast. There is science behind this, but again I am not going to be able to relay it completely accurately, so please take this with a grain of salt.

A media fast is simply quitting a certain type, or all types of media. I recommend starting with one, something relatively easy. If you want to see the biggest effect, try quitting the internet. Here's why:

Try quitting the internet for 3 days. You will feel better.

Maybe it's the location for you. Literally the first job I applied at and followed up with, I got an interview.

Or better yet, just permadelete all your social media accounts first

give that a go for a while and see how you feel

The only thing I can think of really is that myself and my mother started having a really bad relationship around the time I started watching porno on a regular basis when I was a teenager. I know it's not remotely the same thing as going to a legitimate psychotherapist but a big psychoanalysis nerd on the Internet and me had a dialogue about this for a couple of weeks and we basically came to the conclusion that my mother was someone who essentially used me as a substitute to fill the lack of desire my father left (she really got to hating him when I was a teen and cheated on him regularly) and when I started to do my own thing as a teenager she completely cut me out of her life over time so I basically projected that relationship into my sexual life.

I know it's armchair as fuck but I agree with that diagnosis idk what to do about it really

What difference does having my GED make at this point. I lie on every application I fill out that I graduated high school because it's not like they check and still nobody gives a fuck

I am stupid tbh

Take small steps bro, that's all it takes.

They do check.

Don't worry too much about that. I mean losing weight too fast. It's important to start off eating less, imo. Snacks are a poison. Eating the right things is definitely important, too.

It's better than nothing. Actually, it's also better than retail. Fundamentally, though - they hire. But you'll be dancing for men most likely, so if you're stingy about that it may not be great. Probably harder to find opportunities for this outside of cities, too. But they hire like crazy, and you learn on the job.

shit man, that sounds fucking rough. as someone who also comes from a complicated family life, I know how that dynamic can make relationships confusing.

i don't know you at all, but the best advice i can offer you is to try and take guilt out of how you think about your actions. guilt is, in a way, self harm at its purest. how i think about it is that when i feel guilty, im usually avoiding a part of what really happened and internalizing it as something i need to be punished for, a thought pattern which isn't gonna solve anything. regardless of how 'guilty' you may actually be, the emotion itself is kinda "pathological". so when you feel bad about watching porn, it may be useful to focus more on why it is you feel that way instead of the porn itself.

...

Eventually someone is going to check. Do you ever want to go to school? Do you have any aspirations in life besides pron and shitposting?

High ed is usually a sucker's bet. But in your case… things can only get better dude. You'll be uprooted from your current miserable environment, you'll be in a new one (where you can meet new people, etc.) and hopefully be at least intellectually stimulated.

There's help available if you need it. Please don't kill yourself.

At least take some other people out with you.

Can't say I'm surprised leftists are such angsty shitheads. I've worked at the same place since I graduated high school, and I'm not depressed at all. I've even become a key member now

It's just what you make of it

I'm a leftist and I'm not depressed, though.

But Howard, you're a meme.

At least you have comrades.

I think it's just imageboards in general. Anonymity attracts all kinds of mentally ill people, because it offers risk-free social interaction.

Op, You don't even know

I come and lurk Holla Forums just because I envy people who can see themself in something bigger than their own (A party, an Ideology, an hobby, anything really) and believe they have the "fix" for the world.
You know. People who "like" stuff. People with passion.

Now, back to my lurkcave. I'll probably never post again.

Resign and make them fail

"Imageboard culture" also attracts people that pretend to be mentally ill/far from normal for Cool Kid points. Just like Tumblr, heh.

I used to be depressed from middle school through high school (and at one point, so much so that I became agoraphobic because I believed no one deserved to even have to look at me). I don't know what happened to get me out of it, but I've been doing surprisingly well the past year or so.

I realized while I may dislike myself, I can change myself, and have actively done so for the past 6 or 7 months, to great effect. I've also become more conscious of the fact that I only have one life to live and I don't want to spend it like this.

Despite this, I live in fear of plunging back into anxiety and depression.

Mm, should say maybe that I realized I don't deserve to live like that and I have the ability to pull myself out of it. I shouldn't act like no one who's depressed has never thought maybe they should try being happy and successful.

I don't really have much of a problem with depression, but I do get anxiety now and then being REDpilled. Ever since I discovered the contradictions of capitalism I keep thinking about them every time I encounter even a minor problem that can be traced back to it. The potentiality of human extinction, fascism, and porky's disinformation being so widespread, only makes it worse, since to me these problems seem so simple to fix, yet so taboo. Not being able to express these feelings and ideas is also insanely frustrating.

A bit of advice from me. Find a creative outlet, especially if you can channel your frustrations into it. Writing, vlogging, drawing, cooking, and if consumption, either pirating or 'programmable' commoditieswhatever you can make that you can say 'I made that' and immediately have some alleviation. That and find someone to talk to. That also helps.

All I do is schoolwork, shitposting, and some theory reading if I'm lucky
also
iktf, comrade. I'm christcuck (>inb4 spoogs yes I know already) and i've been trying to quit mainly for that reason but I can't. I'm just so lonely and I feel like I need it.

You can quit! Don't give up! I'll pray for you!

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This whole thread cuts too close to home.
I remember my first and only job, a cashier at a grocery store. 25 other people applied for a fucking CASHIER JOB. Failed out of college pretty sure I have some kind of disability/autism at this point. How do I get neetbux?

You can still change your miserable dead end life situation if you just open your heart and proclaim that Christ is your personal saviour to the world

...

Apparently I've been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder a long while ago and somehow didn't know until a nurse read my records back to me.

isolation sucks my guy

my recommendation is, as weird as it sounds, to start smoking and become a regular at a bar or coffee shop you like. in my experience, smoking in public areas such as these has the strange effect where other people instantly become more open to talking about pretty much anything. i've met entire groups of friends, which persisted for years, just by smoking in the vicinity of people i didn't know and mustering up the courage to start a conversation. you'll feel like you're intruding but as long as you don't completely sperg out, a lot of people actually like talking to someone new, especially if you have something interesting to say. at the very least, there's nothing to lose by giving it a shot

how about no

I appreciate it, friend. I probably can't start smoking for a couple reasons (my family would freak the fuck out and I'm a bit of a hypochondriac so probably no for now) but maybe I'll consider it some time later.
this is honestly probably why I'm so alone rn. that and schoolwork. I just don't start conversations with people. I feel like I'm intruding and especially with people I don't know, all I can think about is how they'll laugh at me when I walk away. This feeling only gets worse because everyone's already made their little cliques in college now. I figure I can find some folks when I move dorms next year.
It's nice to talk to ppl here sometimes. That'll have to do for the moment I guess.

it's a tradeoff, friend. live a long life alone or die young, loved and smelling like shit :^)

Sold!

it's not a good idea. i'll be the first to say it.

also though, there is an undeniable social link created when people smoke together that i don't know if non-smokers will ever really get. both the proximity and the fact that smoking is largely looked down upon these days suddenly puts people smoking in a weirdly intimate spot when they're in the same space a lot of the time. it just opens up this weird area where randomly striking up a conversation isn't as awkward/annoying as it is in other situations

just do something that's looked down on but doesn't give you cancer like streaking with your friends.

Especially in school where the smokers all go outside and sit around a table/stand in a circle while the non-smokers awkwardly sit seperately in the classroom.

yea, internet interactions aren't really valued enough imo.

the best i can offer is that there are some places where people are open to being 'intruded.' granted, they're rapidly dying out as things like low-class coffee shops are being discarded in favor of corporate trash, but in most cities, they're still around. take a day just walking around and exploring the city you live in (if it's a big one, look up how to do a 'psychogeography') and check out some public spaces. if you just start being around one long enough, other regulars notice and you'll more than likely eventually talk in some capacity. i think our current culture really downplays the importance of these kinds of places, but historically shit like coffee shops/bars have been where socialization happens.

Weirdly I've had the least luck back in school with this. Randomly on the street works better historically for me. I suppose because it's less of a crowd.

Cause he doesn't like it, duh.

I had to put in well over 50 applications before I could escape my last shithole of a job, and I had to put in ~30 just to get that one. Job-hunting is hell, callbacks don't do shit, ignore the Rosa-killer.

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just fuck my shit up familia
My only freedom is to read and pretend I'm living another life.

Finding a hobby or job that is intellectually stimulating and satisfying can really help a ton, it's especially important if you have adhd/autism. Reading is great and a good goal to work up to but it can be anything that keeps you thinking and learning even if it's just watching films. It's very hard on the internet but be careful to stay away from or limit mindless content that's just for dopamine hits and your life will improve.

Nihilist fascists exist

You could be my friend user :D

move to Svalbard. As long as you have means to sustain yourself lawfully you don't need any sorts of papers to live there.

I've worked with a few illegals. You can make it. There'll be a few fuckheads who are upset about it but most people honestly don't care.

No, never.

We need every redbulled comrade we can gather.

Just remember: we're all here for you hon.

post moar?

this, can't tell you how many of friends/work from school came from meeting them at the smoker's area

Uni is a meme.

I don't know if people still say it (I went last decade) but "the best 4 years of your life" is in no way true. There's no intellectual rigor or social liberation to be found at university. It's just high school pt. II now.

Once you graduate, your life can begin.

Well, they do organize stuff like parties and trips though. If you are a shallow normie who likes that sort of stuff I'd imagine Uni would indeed be fun.

The problem is, I hate my fellow students (law school, porkies glorified slaves), I hate hanging around with them, I only listen to Black Metal or other obscure music, and I hate mainstream vacations. I have no need for anything University life offers me. So at the end of the day I'm just poor as fuck as a student without getting the cultural benefits of it. Having to postpone paying my bills every month.

Anybody else getting triggered as fuck when people lecture you that you should "pay your bills"? I'm a student with two side jobs and I'm physically incapable of paying all the bills. I usually prioritize rent, water, electricity and Internet. Then I have 300€ left for the rest of the month. Usually get my phone provider to shut down the mobile Internet by the 20th.

Why do they bother with sending me dunning letters? I won't pay it since I need to eat.

Hey let me give you some advice, tankie autist with shit taste in music: don't stay in law school. If you hate it so much they will definitely figure that out about you and you definitely won't get a job. Without a job immediately out of law school your law degree won't be worth the paper it's printed on, since all anyone will ask you at any future interview is 'how many internships have you done', 'why don't you have any experience at your daddy's firm', etc and you won't be able to get any of those things while being an antisocial metalhead faggot. Should have gone into STEM, metalheads are one of the least autistic of the high school cliques infecting the hard sciences - you would be able to network much more easily there.

I actually don't hate the subject of jurisprudence that much. It's more like the people associated with it and the methodology they brainwash us with, become law positivists who subsume a case within 5 minutes.

Sadly I don't get along with natural sciences at all. I used to be okay at it till High School and then for some reason I completely dropped the ball.

Also, I don't like STEM metalheads either.

the structure of work under modern capitalism revolts me so much i'd rather die than be pressed into it.
even the idea of getting a job i enjoy without too much bullshit in the application process, or freelance writing or something fills me with a tangential disgust.

it's a different disgust to that which i usually feel, much more personal. perhaps for the lingering uncertainty that when the gun is to my head, i won't crack and get down on my knees.

Hello comrade, assuming you're still in this thread: don't off yourself. If you're interested in taking a stand and organizing then you should join Action Front. We've already made actions but we're interested in doing more but we need people willing to do this. If you're too depressed and don't feel hope in this possibility or opportunity then you at the very least can take porky down with you and do something.

If you decide to get in contact, here's how:
[email protected]/* */ Just email here and then it'll go from there.

My point was more that 99% of the job is getting along with people. You might like the work just fine, but people will figure out that you don't like them and you will lose opportunities because of it. Unless you are extremely good at acting normie. Can't blame you for not liking STEM or its metalheads though. Guessing you're less inclined toward proggish metal? Never met a single STEM metalhead who wasn't gay for Dream Theatre, etc.

Man, I love commiserating with you guys and all, but shouldn't this be on the trash thread now?

You're right about that. I enjoy some pieces but I think it's mostly jerking off on their instruments but without any inherent value. I found it to be similar to elevator music. But not all of it. I do like Progressive Trash Metal like Watchtower or Anacrusis.

It's just most of them have a certain "rational sceptic" vibe a la Sargon or Amazing Atheist which I obviously disdain. Most of them come over as they have liked "I fucking love science" on Facebook. Na, I think I'm comfortable around Black Metal folks.

THRASH METAL*

Jesus wept

I'm in the same boat

I would like a little of that suicide thing too

I wrote a small guide about self-medicating with dudedurgslmao, I thought I had it screenshotted but it seems not. But I found it on that Hollaforums thing. Remove the PDF filetype from the third file.

Obvious caveat: you're responsible for anything that might happen if you try this shit.

Important caveat #2: virtually any psychotropic drug, even something as weak as weed, can trigger schizophrenia or other psychotic issues in people with a family history of these problems.

This.

There are too many good people with potential killing themself without at least taking some of the trash out that we actually need to get rid of.

Who here has a deep, morbid feeling of coldness and sorrow with every breath and in every fiber of their existence, yet are still relatively successful? Achievement has never made me feel better

Jobs are overrated (unless you want to be in the game for a girlfriend)

Nah, connections get you jobs, not necessarily degrees.

Embrace it dude. 'Aint nothing great about being working class.

90% of the left in the United States are just LARPers and fakes, if we had a real left, we wouldn't have had like 11 conservative presidents in a row

Nothing unique here

normal

Most guys watch porn on a regular basis despite how unhealthy it might be

If you should off yourself, then most of the male population should.

Raises Hand.