So I attack fucking Bucharest and as a result my people are unhappy for 500 fucking years...

So I attack fucking Bucharest and as a result my people are unhappy for 500 fucking years. And everytime I make new workers and try to build something to make them happy, oh look, magic rebels from "Pulledouttamyassistan" spawn and capture my workers so my country stagnates. Which makes everyone even unhappier. And the cycle continues.

For. 500. Fucking. Years.

Flash forward to 1930, the dude i'm playing against has goddam WW2 era battleships, i'm still dealing with fucking pikemen rebels.

Every. Fucking. Turn.

FUCK. THIS. GAME.

So mad right now my fucking eyes are throbbing.

What grand strategy game are you talking about.

What game?

Civ 5. Sorry for blogpost but fuck I needed to vent. I was reading up on it online and apparently they coded the AI so shit that to compensate for it, if you attack anyone the game rapes you. Oh, and not only do people rebel, the units that spawn who rebel are the most powerful fucking units available in your kingdom. I had musketmen attacking me not a week after i'd discovered gunpowder. Before I even fucking had musketmen.

...

I know that now. Are any of the others ones any better, Got a bunch in humble bundle and this one has me tempted to say fuck it to the lot.

Endless Legend is deliciously good.

Well if he sucks this hard at Civ 5 I don't think it's a good idea for him to try other games.

Oh, fuck off. I attacked one country and the game mechanic is designed to screw you over and label you a warmonger if you do that.

No, you got screwed over because your happiness was low, taking one city state wont put your happiness below -10, which is what it needs to be for rebels to spawn. You made other mistakes, that much is obvious.
If you can't manage happiness in Civ fucking 5, strategy games aren't for you.

Attacking and taking over city states will always label you as a warmonger because they always dindu nuffin, In order to combat that warmonger penalty is to save other city states that have been taken over by the enemy.

git gud ;)

Seriously though, you're not supposed to have workers running around on their own, build a couple of warriors to guard them.

Play Alpha Centauri tafferboi

Damn, what's with all the people who suck shit at games on this board lately? I swear that being 18 is no longer a good baseline for determining if someone should be able to post here. 30 seems like what you have to shoot for now.

...

...

...

Tried this but my garrison units were rebelling too and I said fuck it and fired everybody.

Because everyone has to be a pro at every game every time or else they're underage.

I'm not here to make fun of you though, I made the same mistake. It takes some time to realize how unbelievably shitty it is.

Have you built and happiness buildings at all OP?

He said he was trying, but he didn't assign any defenses to his workers so they kept getting kidnapped.

Try Endless Legend. It's essentially a Civ game, without being a steaming pile of shit, like CivV was.

...

EL felt really bland to me. Is your military just SUPPOSED to be really small or what?

Trade any duplicate luxuries you have for new ones (+4 happiness per unique luxury IIRC). At the point you're at, it's probably worth paying the AI for their luxuries, or capturing a city that grants some. Mercantile city states award some happiness to their ally, and all city states give their ally access to their luxury resources.

If you have too many cities that are small, largely useless but very unhappy, I recommend you either raze them a few at a time, or sell them to the weakest AI as a white elephant gift.

Civ 5 also really punishes you for having a large empire. Science and culture costs go up with the number of cities you control, as does unhappiness. 4 cities is usually the recommendation.

That's my problem with the game. It feels like they released an unbalanced piece of shit but instead of actually trying to address the balance issues they went full retard and decided to brute force you away from exploiting it by making the game unfair.

Underrated post

I'm looking at trailers for it on Steam now. Liking what I see so far. Might pick this up.

Civ 4 with the caveman 2 cosmos mod is pretty amazing. Civ 5 and 6 are garbage.

Nah. You're just meant to have multiple smaller armies attached to commanders until you level up the appropriate logistics techs to support large armies. You can also have multiple army groups in adjacent hexes and have them arrive as reinforcements during battles.

It's less, "have a tiny military" and more "avoid having the Civ IV stack of doom"

r u a niggr by any chance?

Maybe at launch, now it's pretty much gone back to sprawl. Easiest way to win at top difficulty is to play Maya and shit out cities and specialty buildings as fast as you can.

So your technological level allows for Pikemen rebels in 1930 in regular Civ 5? Normally I'd recommend Vox Populi (formerly known as the Community Patch) to bored/displeased Civ 5 players as it improves literally everything, but I'm not so sure about it here. The mod would highly improve AI, make it capable of doing naval invasions and making better decisions, make happiness system more complicated and early Gold management would be way harder.

I recommend playing more on a lower difficulty or reading how to play. I won't call you bad because it's obvious you're just starting to play the game, but you must step it up OP because I lied and I actually am going to call you bad

Ok, so hypothetically speaking let's say you shit the bed and expand too much too fast, too many cities and your people hate you for it.
(Which again doesn't make any fucking sense. Why should people in Bombay give two shits there's another city called Mumbai a few thousand miles over.) Is there any way you can escape the death spiral of pissed off citizens and constantly respawning rebels.

Total War has a much better system; individual cities are more concerned with what goes on in their own borders. And it's super fucking logical that distance to capital influences happiness. If my capital is Rome, obviously a principality all the way in Egypt is going to be super resentful at taking orders from some Caesar a million miles away.

I hope you are playing at the max difficulty.
Civ 5 is retarded but you are fucking braindead to not be able to manage shit like that. Civ 5 is usually a pretty easy game till 4-5 level of difficulty before the AI just starts cheating.

...

If you are new to the game, just go tall. Focus on a pair, max 4-5 cities and upgrade them.
If you have too many cities, start by blocking the citizen production, and if there are cities without useful resources or shit you can exchange to get more happiness, then sell them if they are far away from you, or destroy them if they are too near to your capital. Check your neighbors for unique resources that can boost your happiness, take happiness policies and build shit that can increase happiness. Make roads to connect your cities that will get you more money and easy movement.

...