Randy Pitchford and a bunch of 2K excecutives kidnapped you overnight. You're now held at gunpoint...

Empty boxes, sure.

That's actually the Chinese Yuan

Tell them to point the gun at pitchford. With him out of the way, healing can be done.
And by "healing", I mean liquidating no less than half the staff and assets, and turning the whole operation into a farm to churn out soulless NBA and WWE titles for a few years until net positives are made.
Once that happens, we can consider reintroducing games like Smuggler's Run-style rally and off-road racers.

please cum on my paws

Take the bullet

Hi Bui

Just like, made good game.

Wanna erp?

Tell them to put everything including their own personal assets, borrow additional millions from the russian mafia, hire every talented socially woke devs and consultants and pr people in the industry, house them in a giant bigger than the titanic size luxury cruise liner to complete the greatest game ever. Battleborn-2.

Yes

2 and a half burgers, rounding up

Tell Randy to turn the gun on himself.

That is the absolute extent of my plan.

Gearbox is now saved

Now I ain' sayin I'm a gol diggah….

Jews don't marry money, they rape it.

Nope. Its 2 dollars and 50 cents US. A PS4 case in china apparently costs 4 bucks.

Still not any better.

Face it, that game was pretty fun for middleware

Not a complete roadmap, but a start

...

Borderlands was never good, you massive casual.

Opposing Force 2

release borderlands 3

I convince them that randy is the problem and suggest we overpower, gangrape, skin, kill and eat him.

The only way to save the company now

It's actually very easy. Hire back anyone that left since the Half life opposing force days, and make half life 2 episode 3. It's not like Valve is going to scream bloody murder if they're asked for the rights.

Come on…..are they REALLY competent enough to arrange a kidnapping without it ending up as a total fuck-up?

Easy; make a plan but don't tell them it will lead the company to complete bankruptcy and will have Randy plus the executives in jail.

grab all the IPs and make pachinko games

Die.

I thought video game consoles were banned in China?

Not anymore.

well i only heard they allowed Xbox's. Wasn't aware Playstations were allowed too.

IIRC, wasn't the whole ban overturned?

They need to fire
EVERYONE
and then invest in a small niche, but relatively safe project WITH ABSOLUTELY NO FORCED MEMES, NO DIALOGUE, NO VOICE ACTING, NO FORCED POLITICAL AGENDA and working gameplay. Make sure it has multiplayer and co-op. Sell at about $35 bux.

After the project is done, make sure to place all the developers in social media, get them to host twitch events and do talks a small conventions. NO FORCED HYPE, just talk about the gameplay mechanics.

Sit back and watch the money flow, invest half the profit in a sequel, the other half will be broken in half so that part goes to making sure the developers get a trip to museums and strange places so they get their creative muscles flowing.

Repeat. everything except replace "fire everyone" with "hire new NON-PROGRESIVE, WELL EDUCATED, HARD WORKING developers".

Well I don't think selling the games themselves was part of the ban. I think it was just the consoles. But they might've overturned the entire ban, it is possible. Haven't really followed too much to care though. 95% of China gamers play PC and shit up DOTA and Starcraft.

I'd tell them to stop making their own shit and go back to making expansion packs for good games.
Then I'd suggest to shoot Randy and anybody who liked him, thus solving 80% of the internal problems with Gearbox.

First i'll stop restricting fans from making their own Duke 3D remakes and other fangames, then release all the beta content from Duke 3D and Forever to get their interest, and finally try to make the best Duke Nukem game possible, without shitty meme references and Jon St John phoning it in.

Even if the staff was replaced, the name is so toxic it's not worth investing in. You might as well have a new studio.

It didn't work for WildStar.

Wasn't Wildstar an MMO? That's a lot harder to pull off.

It wouldn't be that hard to top either Doom 4 or Shadow Warrior 2013, I hope one day Duke can be bet on again.

This →
Plus they have that retarded character design that battleborn tried to implement. I honestly hate it. It should be reserved for movies, not vidya. The only one that can get away with it are Insomniac.

Oh my god I remember all the good times I had with Iggy's Wrecking Balls as a kid now

Change the company from specializing in video games to making big black dildos. That's what the Gearbox audience wants even more than video games.

disgusting

Am I allowed to make something they'd deem bigotted

That's Perry the Platypus you fucking idiot

It's Actually a beanie based off Perry the Palatus from Disney Cartoon Phineas and Ferp

make another borderlands game thats all they have to do

Even that's iffy, the Pre-Sequal sold pretty bad IIRC

1. Fire Pitchford

2. Re-hire Pitchford at minimum wage as a custodian with no managerial or creative input.

3. Make Borderlands. Hire people to do the script that aren't memetastic fuckwits, hire professional VAs that aren't going to be shrieking harpies who only have work because of their siblings. Design co-op better; slapping a multiplier on monster health equal to number of players ingame is fucking lazy. In co-op, design monsters to be more dangerous, and have different attacks that require coordination between players. It's called co-operative for a reason. Give player classes multiple skill trees and multiple activatable abilities, creating multiple viable builds, and increasing replay value.

A what now?

See

True, but if they actually make interesting characters that don't rely on iffy humor (at best), but rather on good gunplay and interesting mechanics (IE anarchy with Gaige), then they would have a successful game. They really only have to compete with destiny for the "loot and shoot" genre of games. Also add more gun types that aren't shit. Beam was interesting, but kinda a gimmick. Also make melee actually viable with low tier weaponry.

I WISH A MOTHERFUCKER WOULD TRY.

Tell 2K to turn Gearbox into another sports game factory. Just throw money at MLB to make an official multiplat series and 2K will get their money back. If it weren't for NBA and WWE, 2K wouldn't exist anymore.

id just do what they already do but do a less terrible job. more sexy girls too.

or this, i dont really give a fuck

did you know when iggys reckin balls was ported to japan they made everything more kawaii?

First order of business is to sacrifice Pitchford and his family to Baphomet. The rest is easy, just make a game that isn't shit, which isn't that hard to do when you have the Duke Nukem IP, and memelands is salvageable too once you cut off the tedium and Burch's gay writing and turn it into a space western STALKER or FPS/RPG hybrid.

As Randy to sing me his song again before he kills me.

Make a good game.