Holla Forums is put in charge of directing a new Paul Blart video game

Todd Howard is final boss his lies are too much and the game becomes about recruiting an massive army of fans to take over the world for your emperor.

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Dead Rising with no zombies.

designer fag here, anybody want to open up Game Maker and make this a reality?

we have a due date of two weeks

I did it
I have every meme on my computer

How do we avoid copyright problems?

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What copyright problems?

So you want Yakuza: Like a Mall Cop?

You are Paul Blart, a mall cop who wanted to become a real cop but failed because of your hypoglycemia. You love your daughter more than anything but nowadays, there is a hole that even her body cannot fill. You want love. Journey through the gorgeous open world mall setting as you try to uncover a dastardly plot by a bunch of skateboarding baddies while simultaneously completing the Day 1 Amy Amour™ DLC! Customize your Segway with tons of options available to you through the innovative Jelly Donut lootboxes! Laugh out loud as Paul makes fart jokes, fat jokes, and being out of the loop jokes.

$59.99 plus a season pass for $19.99 that will include all the upcoming Paul Blart skins.

one boss is a helicopter hacking minigame immune to status effects

I would make it like a Deus Ex style fps/rpg with a conspiracy-themed storyline. There are skills and an inventory like in DX. Instead of augmentations, you get upgrades to the Segway.

The plot revolves around the new mall cop, agent Paul Blart, who gets hired on after his predecessor dies in mysterious circumstances. The mall has hit some rough times and is potential facing a buyout by an evil billionaire who wants to flatten it and turn it into a casino or something. Paul must investigate the last mall cops death while simultaneously keeping the shops safe.

The twist in the plot will come when Blart discovers the truth: the current owner of the mall had actually been purposely sabotaging the stores so that the tenants will move out and he can sell the mall easier. Maybe there could be some insurance fraud in there too or something, I dunno. The previous mall cop had found out, so somebody sabotaged his Segway and killed him. Paul has to join up with a ragtag group of shop owners to fight through the billionaires private security to get into his private penthouse and obtain proof of all this so they can bring it to the police.

Once in the penthouse Paul doesn't find the proof, but instead finds plans to a previously unknown basement level to the mall. Blart then infiltrates this basement level and finds a secret research and development complex run by the billionaire. Paul eventually locates the billionaire in the depths of the complex, just as he's about to merge with a prototype artifical intelligence unit that would give him complete control of the mall. Blart defeats the billionaire, and is then faced with 3 choices that lead to 3 possible endings. In the first ending, Blart destroys the AI and forces the mall owner to sell the mall to him and the shop owners, who run it as a collective. In the second ending, Blart buys the mall just for himself and rules it from the shadows. In the third ending, Blart merges with the AI and literally becomes the mall.

Okay, fuck what I said. This needs to be a game right now.

Actually just had an idea to add to that. Maybe the mall is small-time with a lot of mom and pop stores. The billionaire wants to drastically expand the mall and replace all the stores with mainstream franchises like Hot Topic.

It's basically the mall planet game, or at least it's set in the infinite haunted mall planet of the mall planet game.

The horror is Happy Gilmore Productions keeps making movies .

When you mount your segway, Fat People Music starts playing.
Falling off the segway causes an irritating record scratch sound effect straight from movie trailers. Blart does a pratfall that lasts three minutes while the audience laughs.