Hi, Im Trung Ngo, a viet lesbian trans girl. I have borderline and ADHD. Trung is a reference to the Vietnamese sisters who rebeled against Chinese Patriarchs’ conquest of Vietnam, Ngo is a reference to Van Ngo, a Vietnamese Trotskyist killed by Ho Chi Minh for being against his bureaucratic-stalinist style of communism.
Now, my current situation: My parents forced me to go to an all boys school, because they despise who I am. Everyday is like being in a dungeon, facing racialized transmisogyny from the administration and student body, who are mostly white cis men.
I find strength in suggestions given from the Prisoner’s Solitary Confinement Survivial Manual. I try to remember key points, like “know who you are and where you are going, dont let the time do you, you do the time, and keep your mindand keep your mind and thinking beyond prison walls.”
Im not the same scared, naive person I was 4 years ago. I was naive, because i thought the school here might care about me, that they would listen to me when i told them about the problems of sexual assault, of ableism, racism, that they would listen. Even the mental health counselor went out of her way to call my parents about the fact that i was visiting her to talk about mental health struggles, worsening the abuse I faced at home. I have a few friends here that do what they can to look out for me, and I for them. And as much as i like them, I believe this is limited, conditional alliance. They do not know that I am a trans girl, nor of my neurodivergence.
I know that i am on my own here. And i know, life does not revolve around this dungeon.I find strength in the friends I have met online, in my journal with my favorite quotes and reminders, in the Blue Scholars songs I rap everyday, and in dancing to myself in the mirror.
In three weeks, I will graduate, I will finally leave this horrible institution behind. My struggle and story does not end here, I know the university and work place can be just as hostile, if not worse, but I get to leave my abusive family, and I think this is a step in the right direction.