Knigh Quest: Part 14 - The Home Invasions of a Bestiophile

Last time on Knight Quest:
You finally made it! You finally made it to the Dragon's roost, where you intend to either slay it or lay it.
Being small and then thoroughly lubed, you find it difficult to reach the Dragon's head. You ask Kiki to help you fly, but you are too slippery for her to hold you.
Now lubed and fealthered, you attempt to run at the Dragon and jump onto it, but only succeed in bursting into it's cupboard, where you meet K'tyr, the nervous mouse, whose home you have now put a hole into.
He insists you find him another, as it is no longer safe for him, due to the hole.

Other urls found in this thread:

imgur.com/a/uBEKU
web.archive.org/web/20160131092110/http://8ch.net/v/res/8116241.html
web.archive.org/web/20160228103902/http://8ch.net/v/res/8491491.html
web.archive.org/web/20160306043105/http://8ch.net/v/res/8574633.html
web.archive.org/web/20160313151534/http://8ch.net/v/res/8655299.html
web.archive.org/web/20160320042035/http://8ch.net/v/res/8735301.html
web.archive.org/web/20160327152244/http://8ch.net/v/res/8815754.html
web.archive.org/web/20160410051450/http://8ch.net/v/res/8980037.html
web.archive.org/web/20160424132455/http://8ch.net/v/res/9102096.html
web.archive.org/web/20160626142936/http://8ch.net/v/res/9824461.html
web.archive.org/web/20160703043938/http://8ch.net/v/res/9908269.html
web.archive.org/web/20160710004523/http://8ch.net/v/res/9985152.html
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

Archive
Part 1 - imgur.com/a/uBEKU
Part 2 - Working out the fine details
Part 3 - web.archive.org/web/20160131092110/http://8ch.net/v/res/8116241.html
Part 4 - web.archive.org/web/20160228103902/http://8ch.net/v/res/8491491.html
Part 5 - web.archive.org/web/20160306043105/http://8ch.net/v/res/8574633.html
Part 6 - web.archive.org/web/20160313151534/http://8ch.net/v/res/8655299.html
Part 7 - web.archive.org/web/20160320042035/http://8ch.net/v/res/8735301.html
Part 8 - web.archive.org/web/20160327152244/http://8ch.net/v/res/8815754.html
Part 9 - web.archive.org/web/20160410051450/http://8ch.net/v/res/8980037.html
Part 10 - web.archive.org/web/20160424132455/http://8ch.net/v/res/9102096.html
Part 11 - web.archive.org/web/20160626142936/http://8ch.net/v/res/9824461.html (DQ)
Part 12 - web.archive.org/web/20160703043938/http://8ch.net/v/res/9908269.html
Part 13 - web.archive.org/web/20160710004523/http://8ch.net/v/res/9985152.html

Available Commands:
MAP - Check Map
INVENTORY - Check Inventory

Apologies for my absence last week. Computer shat itself

Befriend mouse with JOLLY COOPERATION

Try making love to the mouse.

You promise K'tyr you'll find him a new home in exchange for his help regarding the dragon.
Before he can answer, you climb upon his back and point forwards, as you would expect a Knight commanding his company would. Except with a mouse instead of a horse. And instead of fighting a great battle, you're trying to either slay or bed a dragon.

"I-I don't mind you riding me, but c-could you not looks s-so happy about it…"

Hello?

slap the mouse's behind and yell 'tally ho!"

You give K'tyrs backside a hearty whack and struggle to hold on as he darts forward and runs frantically through the house.

"Augh, bloody hell. I thought I dealt with the mouse problem already." the Dragon grumbles and you dark through its legs, evidently not seeing you.

Eventually, you end up in what seems like the dragon's bedroom, under it's bed.
How exiting! What sordid secrets could be hiding in here?

cuddle with his oversized waifu pillows

dragon dildos

Are they dragon dildos if a dragon owns them? Perhaps they are merely dildos. Or are the properties of the dildo based on the manufacturer, for instance, a human manufacturer makes dragon dildos as they are not in the shape of human phalluses?


As you ponder the conundrum of the theoretical auto-erotic decives, you stumble upon a figurine of a lizard girl posing. It's the lewdest thing in your immediate view, but you feel like you could probably find something better if you looked harder.

look harder for more lewds.

You decide that the shoebox(?) looks interesting, so you open it and have a peek ins-

Wh-
Oh holy tittybiscuits.

Neat!
It's a torch.

Look up the figures skirt

Also put on the outfit. Maybe the dragon's into traps?

The horror! It's a bootleg!

The figurine is molded from a very shoddy and fragile material. Any attempt to remove the clothing would likely shater it.

Lets get the skinny on the dragon from the mouse. See if there is any writing on the box?

Seeing as you only really know one thing about the dragon - it has a great ass - you decide to acquire some more information from the Dragon's unwanted houseguest.
"W-w-well, it likes to c-cook. In fact, it d-does almost all the t-time. It's a real gourm-met!
O-other than that, it just p-piles up its gold and t-treasure." K'tyr stammers

You decide that you feel like the box itself might hold some information.
It seems to be made of a sort of wood-pulp and have the text "Niqque Air Puffers"

INVENTORY. Lets see if we have anything to offer the gourmet! Other then ourselves. And we can get the attention of the dragon by burning the box!

Inventory:
Lewd Dragon Book
History Book
Nercro(phillia)mancy book
"Calcium and You - A guide to Healthy Bones" Book
"O" Book
Ghost Knife
Winged Heart Bottle - Dragon Jizz
Boxatrix
Speaking Stone
Rooted Boots
Broken Sword
Broken Sword Pieces
Some rope

Somewhat bored, you decide to alleviate your situation by burning the box. You're not sure why, exactly, but it seems like a good idea.

"Hrm… I'm sure I saw it go under he-"

"Oh… It's you again…"

It's you again.

Pausing for tonight. KQ will be back at 10pm GMT Saturday

Dump dragon jizz on yourself. Ask the dragon if she'll cook you a really nice dinner. Is it even a female dragon? Not judging sir knight.

Realising the only possible decision you could make now is to dump a bottle of dragon smegma on your head, you do so with great haste. Smells kinda spicy.

The dragon starts back, obviously impressed by your auto-bukake mating ritual, and gags slightly.
"I HAVE SEVERAL QUESTIONS. THE FIRST BEING: WHAT THE FUCK" it bellows "WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT."

Bump

Slow knight, huh?
I'll give you guys another 30 mins, then I'm going to bed if nobody's posted anything.

Explain that you simply want to get her juices flowing.

You snap your fingers with both hands and point at the dragon, like you once saw a cool guy do to woo a woman in a back alley. She didn't seem interested at first, but she did go with him once he showed her his cool knife. She must have been really impressed. What a lucky guy!
In any case, you explain to the dragon that you figured that maybe she's lonely up here all on her own and that she's need a buff stud covered in dragon goop to get up in there and show her a good time.

"Nice try, buddy. But you made two very critical misconceptions." the Dragon grumbles "Firstly, that isn't dragon ejaculate. I don't know who told you it was, but they clearly do not know a lot about our species' biology. That's dragon blood. That said, I can hardly blame them, we are mysterious bastards. However, I am shocked that you were able to acquire a vial of dragon blood. No mortal should be able to even remove a scale, let alone make us bleed."

As you hear the dragon explain this, you feel somewhat embarrased, though you stand steadfast in your resolve.

"Secondly, it appears that you also have a fundamental lack of understanding about dragons." it continues "While my voice may resemble that of a human female, and my form reminescent of one, Dragons do not reproduce. There are a set number of us, which will never increase or decrease, thus there is nothing for you to 'get up in'. You cannot ever bang this."

Oh, well.
That's just fucking wonderful.

"And no, I'm not flattered that you tried."

Taste the blood. Also you have a cool knife as well. Maybe wimp that sucker out?

As for 'not being able to bang'; where there's a will there's a way.

Also show her the lewd dragon book! There's gonna be some way to bang in there! If not…well…as least ask for a kiss…then…do what knights do.

You reach up to your helmet to check the dragon's blood on your hand, but it has already dried.
You take out your ghost knife and point it towards the dragon, to try and impress it.
"Don't bother. As you may already know, all things exist in either the astral or physical planes. Physical harms physical, astral harms astral, yes? Dragons exist in perfect balance with both planes, thus the only thing that can harm a dragon is another dragon.


Desparately, you pull out the lewd dragon book, pointing to the illustrations, which you have studied in detail.
"You have been lied to. Human authors are so vulgar, their insipid fantasies revolving entirely around their genitals.

Ask the dragon if that means they can't get sick if they eat bad or rotten food.
Also try liking the dragon blood off your helmet, how many people can say they know what dragon blood tastes like?

What is this? Pokemon? Ask for that kiss or wipe out that Boxatrix and see what you get.

Confuse her, as in ask how the dragon exists in both planes if she just said things can only exist in the astral or the physical planes.
or just recite phrases from the lewd dragon book.

"While dragons do eat, we do not require food for nourishment, thus we do not come to harm from impure foodstuffs. It's purely for pleasure."
You try to remove the helmet, but it appears it has fused to the rest of your armour.


You lean in for a smooch, but the dragon reels back by several miles.
In desperation, you take out the boxatrix, given to you by Graveyar, and firmly press the button.

For a moment, it trembles, then shudders violently, struggling to wrest itself from your grip.
Eventually, it settles down and emits a soft "Ping!"

"H-huh. For a m-moment, I thought something t-terrible was going to h-"

KERAKK

At that moment, Valarie, Wellington and Kiki enter the cavern.
"Hey, what did we miss?" Valarie chimes "The nest finally stopped burning. We found this harpy outsi-"

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR TEN FUCKING MINUITES AND YOU DO THIS!"

That's all for tonight, folks. Or, rather, folk. Knight Quest will return next Friday at 10pm GMT

That dragon spirit is going into that figure. And we WILL fuck it. Mark my words OP.

Take your shitty quests to >>>/qu/ and fuck off already.