Questionable Malcontent - Kinda Dumb Edition

Carter Foster
Carter Foster

AKA The Understatement edition.
Should I start adding the Alice Grove edits and OC to the existing archive or make a new one for them? It's not much longer for this world so I don't know if it's worth the minimal effort to make a new one.

Last thread: >>876911 http://archive.is/HK7HA

Git archives
Edits: https://gitgud.io/InfinityMalcontent/QMC_Edits/tree/master
OC: https://gitgud.io/InfinityMalcontent/QMC_OC/tree/master
Threads archive: https://gitgud.io/InfinityMalcontent/QMC_Threads/wikis/home

Older stuff (Editfag Prime):
Edits: http://imgur.com/a/Sf5J0
Omits: http://imgur.com/a/HtKr0
Twitter Bully: http://imgur.com/a/Jb1a1
OC: http://imgur.com/a/kSZcE

All urls found in this thread:
http://archive.is/HK7HA
https://gitgud.io/InfinityMalcontent/QMC_Edits/tree/master
https://gitgud.io/InfinityMalcontent/QMC_OC/tree/master
https://gitgud.io/InfinityMalcontent/QMC_Threads/wikis/home
http://imgur.com/a/Sf5J0
http://imgur.com/a/HtKr0
http://imgur.com/a/Jb1a1
http://imgur.com/a/kSZcE
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picotechnology
http://archive.is/F75jq
https://twitter.com/fanfiction_txt
Aiden Johnson
Aiden Johnson

Edits

Ryan Turner
Ryan Turner

More edits

Camden Reyes
Camden Reyes

Wait, I think I posted edits from two threads ago.

Cameron Mitchell
Cameron Mitchell

Omits

Ryder Garcia
Ryder Garcia

Baggyfag did a thing

Tyler Scott
Tyler Scott

And fuck Alice Grove.

Landon Ward
Landon Ward

Why did the hero in Alice Grove have to die?

Brandon Martin
Brandon Martin

Because he's a

CIS

WHITE

MALE

Austin Price
Austin Price

Because he was a straight (probably) cis white man who wanted to Make Humanity Great Again.

So, naturally, a lesbian white female used supernatural powers to kill him instead of trying to reason with, or use non-violent methods against the defenceless man.

Tyler Peterson
Tyler Peterson

Thinking about Alice Grove, the most irritating thing that, like everything else handstab does, it's just a few steps removed from being interesting. If it turned out that they were actually supposed to follow along with bowtie, and save the planet, but they monumentally fucked up and followed along with the biggest obstacle in that goal. He wouldn't even have to drop the "blue faggot is reparations by space aliens" plot. Hell, the lazy fuck wouldn't have even had to wrap up the plot, just have everyone get to the Avatar Hometree, have Alice reveal her evil plot after everyone but the blue faggot is dead, and then just have the last page black with "BAD END" in bold type.

Not a feel good ending, but it would at least be unconventional, and might actually work for the rushed pace that he's trying to shit out the last few pages in, since everything would be doomed from the start.

Michael Davis
Michael Davis

But that sort of good storytelling would cause a flood of money demanding that he also do the other potential branching story options. That means more work.

William Jackson
William Jackson

Yeah, imagine if they followed Bowtie because he was confident, seemed to know what he was doing, and everyone is sick of living in squalor and wants more. But turns out his plan wasn't perfect and there are costs and consequences. The rest of the cast needs to reconcile their ignorance, optimism, naive trusting, but also their continued belief in a better future. Also…

Lol, fuck that let's have Super Sentai hand-sword chick and 90s kid edgy dialogue.

Luke Cooper
Luke Cooper

You could even take that a step further and have bowtie be legitimately evil with noble intentions, instead of just implying that he's done bad things. For a bullshit off the cuff example: Lying to the group that an old warehouse is home to a death cult. After it's been cleared, it comes to light they were just some pagans worshipping an old bullet plant, with enough potassium nitrate to fertilize X amount of fields for Y many years. They get stuck between saving 100, or feeding 100,000.

Jose Ortiz
Jose Ortiz

So what makes the content questionable?

Hunter Reed
Hunter Reed

It's a question of whether there is or is not content. Rather than your initial impression, that the content is questionable for it's level of appropriateness when being viewed in mixed company, it is actually questionable for its definition of "content".

The word content implies that there is substance to the thing in question, but a cursory look at Jeph's comic reveals that it is vapid, inconsistent, and boring. While it is undeniable that there is both writing and art on the page, the comic only tentatively holds on to its plot, causing the story to wander on a whim. This causes the content that the comic does to become muddled and confusing. Questionable. Jeph's poor writing makes the content questionable, and the art only magnifies this effect.

Originally, it was meant to be catchy and make you think that the characters might get it on at some point

Ryder Brooks
Ryder Brooks

Uh-oh, another inconsistency!

I'm going to grab this psychotic bitch who almost beat me to death with her bare hands by her shirt and shake her angrily!

Makes perfect sense in Jeph-verse!

Oliver Jones
Oliver Jones

And that's another thing, why the fuck does this comic need so many psychotic bitches? They seem to make up nearly half the cast and maybe more. Is murderous insanity to Alice Grove what disgusting obesity is to Questionable Content

Eli Parker
Eli Parker

If it were, you'd think it'd actually be worth reading.

Ryan Turner
Ryan Turner

This is kind of like saying pogs are more culturally relavant than laser tag.

Blake Gutierrez
Blake Gutierrez

Culturally relevant to niggers, maybe.

Nicholas Flores
Nicholas Flores

Ted's gay.png
Does anyone have the oven version?

Cultural relevance
In what world does cultural relevance mean "good"?

Jack Harris
Jack Harris

In what world does cultural relevance mean "good"?
twitter, which is the world handstab lives in

Levi Carter
Levi Carter

He draws the stump.

Also, he forgot to butcher the coloring through whatever processes he uses that would allocate the entire palette to the flare effect in panel 2 and make everything else polka dots.

Elijah Carter
Elijah Carter

He drew it at a flat 90° angle, so he only gets partial credit. Unfortunately, that bit of credit got swallowed by the penalty for writing out the word "trademark" instead of using "tm" in hypertext.

He also earns another bucket of rage for not giving his scanner two seconds of thought and realizing that it has no way of scanning the back of his hand without him awkwardly turning his hand around, distorting the final product.

Liam Reed
Liam Reed

Countdown until has fans pounce on him because Wendy's is the Nazi troll fast food chain.

James Hall
James Hall

Wendy's is the Nazi troll fast food chain.
It's a ruse. Look at the people who work there.

Charles Wood
Charles Wood

The person who made most of those posts is an sjw. She resigned saying her new fans gave her ptsd.

Henry Sullivan
Henry Sullivan

I did not know that. Truly we live in the funniest timeline.

kek

Thomas Baker
Thomas Baker

Good.

Robert Morris
Robert Morris

We have lived to see a major fast food chain name the jew
Truely, 2017 will be remembered as the start of a new Golden Age.

Although I wouldn't be surprised if this was an edit

John Nelson
John Nelson

Proof.

Connor Phillips
Connor Phillips

[Citation Needed]

Robert Parker
Robert Parker

Hilarious if true.
It's obviously an edit, dumbass.

Leo Myers
Leo Myers

They really are going to just stand around the entire time dumping exposition onto each other.

And now we learn this thing actually takes place on Earth. Good job, Jeph, after vehemently claiming that this was an alternate universe for three years. He probably wasn't thinking and just fucked it up.

Christopher Williams
Christopher Williams

waking up machines
Huh? Gay nightcrawler touched machines and souped them up, he didn't reactivate lost technology. Also gud job Jeph that you've made this whole plot an irrelevant sideline to a global outbreak of nanomachine magic

Dominic Walker
Dominic Walker

souped up
didn't he touched a canary toy and it became a bird for no reason? I remember distinctly raging about a windup bird toy that is designed to hop being transformed into a thing with wings that can fly around.

Hudson Gutierrez
Hudson Gutierrez

I've zoned out on big parts of the lore. Was this ever explained?

Isaiah Davis
Isaiah Davis

Now you can distinctly rage once again.

Jeremiah Stewart
Jeremiah Stewart

Given the "plot twist" that he just half-assedly dropped, this could be explained by other tech-enhancing people doing things, but I wouldn't be surprised if he had forgotten about it.

Aiden White
Aiden White

Chocoloate

Christopher Ramirez
Christopher Ramirez

"I hope they're having more fun than we are"

Self awareness much?

Kevin Brooks
Kevin Brooks

it doesn't react to simple machines
let's try a bunch of simple machines that ARE FUCKING CONNECTED TO EACH OTHER AND ENCASED IN A PLASTIC SHELL
>THE END PRODUCT OF NANOMACHINES INTERACTING WITH THIS IS IT BECOMING A FUCKING BIRD WITH A NEW EXTERNAL SHELL, FLIGHT, AND MAYBE PERHAPS SENTIENCE BECAUSE IT FLEW OUT A WINDOW WITHOUT WARNING
AAAAAGHHHLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLLRAAAAAAA
WHY IS A CHARACTER WHOSE MAIN ROLE IS TO "SERVE" GIVING ORDERS TO A LITTLE BLUE MAN WHO CAN MAKE COMPLEX ASSORTMENTS OF SIMPLE MACHINES INTO FUCKING CIRCUIT BOARD TECH?
OBVIOUSLY IT IS POSSIBLE TO CREATE AN AUTOMATON THAT FUNCTIONS SIMILARLY TO A VERY COMPLEX, CIRCUIT-NECESSARY CONSTRUCT, BUT BIRDS RETAIN AERODYNAMICS BY HAVING HOLLOW BONES AND FEATHERS THAT ARE BUILT IN SUCH A WAY AS TO CREATE SURFACE TENSION TO ALLOW AIR TO BILLOW UP BENEATH THEM LIKE A WALL, BUT FLEXIBLE AND SPREAD OUT ENOUGH SO AS TO NOT CREATE UNNECESSARY WEIGHT AND TO ALLOW SOME AIR TO PASS THROUGH SO AS NOT TO BE COMPLETELY AT THE MERCY OF THE WINDS. A FUCKING PLASTIC AUTOMATON WOULD BE TOO HEAVY TO REMAIN IN THE AIR ON ITS OWN, AND WOULD REQUIRE SOMETHING THAT FORCES IT TO STAY UP IN THE AIR, SUCH AS A BRAIN THAT CAN TELL IT WHEN TO FLAP ITS WINGS, WHAT THE AIR CURRENTS FEEL LIKE, IF THERE'S A NEED TO GO HIGHER AND LOWER BASED ON THOSE THINGS, AND SO ON. EVEN IF WE ASSUME THAT IT CONVERTED THE ORIGINAL SPRING ENERGY THAT CAUSED IT TO JUMP UP AND DOWN INTO FORWARD MOMENTUM TO LAUNCH ITSELF FORWARD A DISTANCE BEFORE CRASHING DOWN, THEY WOULD HAVE SEEN THE DIRECTION IT MOVED IN UNTIL IT CRASHED DOWN, AND BY THE FOLLOW UP LINES, IT SOUNDS LIKE IT KEPT GOING A DISTANCE.
ALSO ON THE SUBJECT OF FORCE, THAT WINDOW LOOKS TO BE ABOUT A QUARTER INCH THICKNESS, AND IT'S DULLED OUT, MEANING IT'S OBVIOUSLY DENSE AS SHIT. ARE YOU MEANING TO TELL ME A PLASTIC BIRD TOY MADE OF SPRINGS AND THINGS IS GOING TO HAVE THE WEIGHT BEHIND IT TO SMASH A WINDOW LIKE THAT? REGARDLESS OF THE FORCE LAWS THAT WOULD DENY THIS FROM HAPPENING, EVEN IF WE ASSUME THAT IT'S MOVING FAST ENOUGH, THAT'S SOME PRETTY STRONG PLASTIC TO SUSTAIN CRASHING THROUGH WOODEN POLLS AND GLASS, TO THE DEGREE THAT THE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT THAT REQUIRES WOULD MAKE THAT THING THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE CAPABLE OF FLIGHT SINK LIKE A GOD DAMN SACK OF POTATOS
=RLRLRLRLLRLRLRLRLRLLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLLRLRLRLRLRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH

Julian Kelly
Julian Kelly

There is no need to be upset, user. You just don't understand Jeph's brilliant writing.

Luis Adams
Luis Adams

space tree has been covertly analyzing you since you entered it

Bleaugh, horrible writing…

For starters, "it" at the end is a redundancy; what the fuck else have they entered, recently?

I think it would have read much better if it said, "since you arrived."

Blake Wright
Blake Wright

At least Jeph stopped dropping in dictionary.com's word of the day.

Isaiah Thompson
Isaiah Thompson

smooth criminal

Aaron Baker
Aaron Baker

Here's hoping he gets a Chick-fil-A hand.

That's so funny. Too funny to be true. Do you have a source?

Not really, and I can't wait until one of the "Ardents" accidentally touch one of the giant nanomachine-robots, making it superpowered so that it exterminates humanity.

If so, they would have to touch nanomachines, and there are on nanomachines on earth. The wiki entry on the Night Walker notes
In Comic 49, Alice notes that the Night Walker is an ancient relic of a previous type of Nanotech to that which gives Gavia her abilities.

That webm
Fucking hell, man. I'm sitting here at work with headphones on. I'm lucky I'm the only one in my office to have arrived thus far, otherwise the others would've heard it.

Brody Reyes
Brody Reyes

He posts in prosthetics forums.

Doesn't know covering is better.

And

Faye continues being a cunt.

It's not endearing. Ask! Say you can't give a bigger discount because you're a new shop!

Why has no one punched this fat fuck?!

Hudson Richardson
Hudson Richardson

To be fair, when you work in retail people asking for a discount all the time really is a pain in the ass.
Ultimately they're both assholes, though.

But that fucking hand…
Yeah, the whole scheme here was to reduce drawing the robot hand to a 3-second fill tool job.

Cameron Evans
Cameron Evans

How long before Handstab finds a canonical excuse to draw stickmen?

William Kelly
William Kelly

Something amusing happened somewhere.

Jacob Torres
Jacob Torres

Not going to happen.

It's fat-shaming, you see.

Luke Carter
Luke Carter

4 strips left and there's filler just to make it last until Friday. And Jeph miscounted.

Maybe she's laughing that it took almost three years for a "twice per week" comic to reach 200 strips, even with Jeph producing a strip per day for two weeks.

Joseph Reyes
Joseph Reyes

Wendy's is owned by Jews, you retard. Don't eat there.

Nicholas Barnes
Nicholas Barnes

Now that's autism.

Liam Bailey
Liam Bailey

I guess she's upset because her plans to keep humanity in the dark ages has failed? Nice to see the villain losing.

Josiah Bennett
Josiah Bennett

I hate how crying is written in comics.

Don't get me wrong- "*Sob* *sob*" looks retarded, but even though I know Huh huh huh sounds right- it looks wrong.

Bentley Cox
Bentley Cox

How would you write it?

Nathaniel Brown
Nathaniel Brown

Not a fucking clue. A long childish wail is obvious.
Waaaaaaaaaaah
But sobbing and short-sharp gasps I'm clueless on.

Josiah Ross
Josiah Ross

"kyaaah oni-chan, alice-chan is so saaaad, bwahhhhhhhhhh"

Jonathan Lopez
Jonathan Lopez

Turns out this comes from a Xenogears summary, but it sure seems familiar.

Brody Martin
Brody Martin

Fade to white… It's all a fucking Matrix, isn't it?
She's realized this, and she's actually in a box with probes in her brain or something.

Andrew Murphy
Andrew Murphy

Why has no one punched this fat fuck?!
There is an answer for that question, but knowing it would be detrimental to your mental well-being.

Jonathan Sanchez
Jonathan Sanchez

Oh boy, back to shipping. I was going through withdrawal with that one or two strips that lacked it.

Aaron Barnes
Aaron Barnes

Not responding with "What do you think I mean?"
Gotta artificially inflate that drama.

Although, Martin and Sven were once infatuated with Faye and broke under the pressure. What's the robot equivalent of having your personality destroyed and turned into a tranny's cocksleeve?

Tyler Hernandez
Tyler Hernandez

Why do you guys pretend to hate this comic?

Brody Peterson
Brody Peterson

Because its bad, its not that hard to comprehend my summer boy.

Alexander Young
Alexander Young

because your mom touches me at night

Xavier Barnes
Xavier Barnes

Anyone got the current figures on how much jeph sucks up on his patreon? Or is that now lost to the sands of time now that he's hidden it?

Camden Wilson
Camden Wilson

We know it's over $10,000 because that is the bonus comic tier. How much over is anyone's guess. It doesn't really work like this, but…since Jeph privated his earnings, it was $9,442.34. Since then his backers have increased by about 14%, so, assuming the payouts scale, he'll be around $10,750.

However, more backers tend to reduce the average rate because the most devoted back early.

Julian Cruz
Julian Cruz

Maybe it's actually before the war, and it's all a training simulation for super-soldiers. That would not only be an actually interesting plot-twist, but it would also give the opportunity to end the comic quickly (which seems to be his highest priority).

I was raped as a child and need an outlet for my unprocessed emotions.

Jaxson Wood
Jaxson Wood

Got a screencap of that $9,400?

Kayden Green
Kayden Green

thanks user

Juan Ortiz
Juan Ortiz

Hey brown-robot-baggy-waifu-maker-fag, can you make this robot idea into a more realized thing? I drew this years ago and I just remembered that you would do a better job of realizing this design. posting because these threads make me mad about robots, so I ned som good robot designs.

Connor Edwards
Connor Edwards

Fuck my life

Henry Hernandez
Henry Hernandez

"today's off to a good start!"
good start
10 minute cleanup job
additional discount
good start

I hope Dora expects to see some return on her investment…

Cooper Wright
Cooper Wright

Shit, what am I talking about… This is Jeph writing, here.

He probably thinks he has it worse off than coal miners and minesweepers.

Ayden Collins
Ayden Collins

barely make 1400 every month
working a maintenance job and providing worth-while technical ability
Feels okay I guess

Ian Baker
Ian Baker

Here user. Some from my sketch folders, althjough they're all battlesuits or vehicles

Ryder Morris
Ryder Morris

MODS ARE ASLEEP POST ROBOT DESIGNS

Connor Lee
Connor Lee

Neat

Austin Russell
Austin Russell

your whole existence is a lie
<oh well, no biggie
hard sci-fi, William Gibson tier writing

Brody Nelson
Brody Nelson

Yo gimme a tree arm
Once again Handstab, Gunnerkrigg did it first and better!

Justin Ross
Justin Ross

But then why have so many threads for it?

Christopher Roberts
Christopher Roberts

Gunnerkrigg does everything better than QC, though.

Bentley Turner
Bentley Turner

NOW NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE FUCKING MURDERER LOSING HER SHIT.

WHEN LAST TIME SHE DID SO SHE KILLED PEOPLE.

FUCK JACKSTAB!

Aaron Nguyen
Aaron Nguyen

Its fun to make fun of people, its simple as that summer boy.

Nathaniel Hill
Nathaniel Hill

picomachines
That sounds pretty cool until you realise that in order to be picomachines they must be smaller than the smallest of atoms. What the hell are they made of?

Maybe their simulated reality didn't include common sense?

Grayson Hernandez
Grayson Hernandez

Very small atoms, duh!

Jaxson Sullivan
Jaxson Sullivan

Oy vey!

Jose Ortiz
Jose Ortiz

Fuck, I completely glossed over that because of the other retarded things going on.

Maybe he thinks you can build programmable machines out of quarks? I think he just saw this wiki article https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picotechnology and thinks picomachines are the "more advanced" version of nanomachines.

Thomas Kelly
Thomas Kelly

I actually would like more revelations of "your reality is a lie!" to be met with something like? "Oh yeah? Fuck off!" or even "Ah well. I didn't like it much anyway."

Here, I don't think we've been given enough info or character personality to make us sympathetic to their problems. So that big revelation kinda fell flat.
And Senda's all better again, I see. And again, no-one really cares.

Of all the recent developments, surely *that* would be one to generate at least a little bit of interest, or even a "Holy shit, I thought you were dead!".

But no…

So much of what has been said and done these past few strips would be met with cries of "What did you do that for?!".

No-one's shocked at the murders. No-one's asking why Alice is crying. No-one's even slightly concerned by the violent mood swings of the self-confessed mass murder. No-one's shocked that their "friend" has come back to life. No-one's slightly concerned by the prospect of an interstellar society travelling accross the gulf of space to fuck around with Earth.

Instead, the reaction seems to be. "Oh, well… Let's go home, then."

So, ultimately, the point of all this journey to space shit was to set up a few pages of exposition?

Jace Hall
Jace Hall

What if Jeph is secretly an /ourguy/ convert in deep cover?

What if Jeph snapped when he stabbed his hand and has been purposefully getting back at his "fans" by slowly degrading his work and convincing them to invest in an obvious scam like Alice Grove? If his destruction of the characters and scamming of his fans is just so he can stand back and laugh at them in 10 years when he reveals that he was conning them the whole time, then it would redeem every terrible thing he's done.

Faking Shelby's chronic rapings might also be his way of showing that they have no pattern recognition and can't put 2 and 2 together.

Aaron Ross
Aaron Ross

Why is Sedna travelling with them again? She spent 2-3 months of strips attempting to kill them.

John Lopez
John Lopez

Jesus Christ this art. Is Jeph drinking again?

Ian Martinez
Ian Martinez

Can robots smell? The apparatus to do that seems like a pretty big investment for the tiny return you would get.

Benjamin Sanders
Benjamin Sanders

I worked at wendy's for a while. The fries smell like grease. Everything smells like grease. I smell like grease and I haven't worked there for 6 months.

James Jenkins
James Jenkins

Ha ha, I wasted my life for the sake of a joke, idiots

Andrew Rogers
Andrew Rogers

It would make sense for a war bot, since chemical attacks or being in situations where you'd need to smell something like a leak or fire come up often. The nose makes up for what you can't see or hear by providing sensory back up, such as noting the difference between normal conditions and smokey conditions before the fire has gotten out of hand is slightly difficult when you can't feel the heat or smell burning. However, Jeph might just think this was a novelty and that "this is just how robots should be," and will need to explain it after the fact if it's ever brought up.

Justin Stewart
Justin Stewart

And then haughtily claim that's how it was the whole time, hard sci-fi blah blah.

Liam Jackson
Liam Jackson

It used to be that blue robot had a character other than "cute and quirky".

Well, he did get rich off of it.

Have you concidered that you might be the reason Wendy's smells like grease, not the other way around?

Concidering such circumstances as locating fire, cooking, etc., it might be a usefull addition to include a nose, and once the technology is there, it would possibly only represent a fraction of the manifacturing cost, especially after comparing with an electronic brain.

Lincoln Cox
Lincoln Cox

Jeph, why are you such a fucking hack?

Nicholas Ross
Nicholas Ross

Fuck this, what happened to that girl who got the webcam to do streaming?

She a camwhore yet?

Cooper Morris
Cooper Morris

She's fighting the patriarchy and getting people arrested after men online asked to see her tits and told her to kill herself.

I don't know.

Xavier Davis
Xavier Davis

The last time we saw her, Momo was watching her sleep, and Jeph had chickened out of the obvious creep vibe that Marigold was giving off when talking to her.

Ayden Nguyen
Ayden Nguyen

Is Jeph drinking again?
"Again" implies there are moments where he's not drinking.

Kevin Fisher
Kevin Fisher

Oooooooh, I see…

Jeph really wants to draw one of his females being fucked relentlessly by a machine - never tiring, never slowing down.

It was going to be the kid, but Jeph quickly realized he might never recover from the outrage, so he had to make it Faye.
He'll be drawing Faye, but he'll be thinking about that girl, whatever her name is.

Christopher Ramirez
Christopher Ramirez

Jeph really wants to draw one of his females being fucked relentlessly by a machine - never tiring, never slowing down.
Do you think this is a hint of Jeph incompetence/impotence in bed? I mean it's like he wants to compensate for something…

Tyler Clark
Tyler Clark

so basically kink.com

Jackson Murphy
Jackson Murphy

I have to go now. My planet doesn't need me.

Brayden Morgan
Brayden Morgan

Oh, she stopped crying now?

These are some seriously violent mood swings.
For that reason alone it's probably a good idea for her to get fired into a black hole - someone this (allegedly) powerful and violent is simply too dangerous to be allowed to live.

You know, for a being powered by black holes she doesn't seem to do much with it.

Shit, the Shrike from Hyperionverse (which I'm pretty sure Jeph has read) was powered by a bunch of stars and it could time-travel, move at trillions of times the speed of light and had claws that could cut through anything.

Alice falls off wind turbines, needs a helmet, apparently has a phony eye, fucks about on horses and carts, is scared of fighting a pile of nanobots (night walker or whatever the fuck it was called), and her admittedly stronger adversary gets killed by a stab wound.

There is a severe lack of ambition with this universe.

And shit, I thought one of the golden rules of comics is "Show; don't tell!".
With Alice Grove, Jeph seems to be trying really hard to tell, and runs away from showing every chance he gets. So much of the shit that happens in this story is just implied and hinted at, and it's like Jeph expects us to be shocked and in awe all the same.
It's like he's saying, "Hey, I went to the bother of writing about this stuff - it's your job to be amazed!"

I get the feeling that if you asked Jeph to describe the battle of the Somme he'd say, "A bunch of guys ran across a field and a lot of them got hurt. Isn't that horrible…?"

Jack Myers
Jack Myers

Case in point - recent big reveals are nothing more than speculation.
They don't *know* that aliens are boosting humanity, they just think there's a chance it might be possible.

Yet they're all acting as if it's definite, undeniable fact, and are reacting in advance to all this stuff that hasn't happened yet, and the reader is expected to give a fuck.

They're like some doomsday cultists convinced the world is going to end on Tuesday.
Normal people laugh at people like that.

Isaiah Sullivan
Isaiah Sullivan

It's Jeph. It pains me he is rewarded when he is SUCH a fucking poor storyteller.

Brayden Richardson
Brayden Richardson

I serve everyone
By putting my feelings above their lives
And not serving them
Congratulations, you just won a gold medal in the Mental Gymnastics event at the Special Olympics.

Nathaniel Cooper
Nathaniel Cooper

the power of black holes
karate chopping people in the face

Jonathan Lewis
Jonathan Lewis

They don't *know* that aliens are boosting humanity, they just think there's a chance it might be possible.
Yet they're all acting as if it's definite, undeniable fact, and are reacting in advance to all this stuff that hasn't happened yet, and the reader is expected to give a fuck.

Hmm, sounds familiar.

Caleb Thomas
Caleb Thomas

The psychotic bitch who's a danger to herself and everyone around her wants to fuck off and never come back. Jeph accidentally had her do the one thing that would do the best service to everyone on the planet.

Juan Lee
Juan Lee

I started to type a long winded post about the value of individual lives vs the abundance of knowledge she could impart.

BUT

I just realized that her not fucking off means that every new dawn brings a nonzero chance that she'll snap and destroy all of the progress that humans have made. Getting a cheat sheet from the teacher doesn't mean much when the price is the teacher standing at your desk and playing Russian roulette with you while you take the test.

William Rogers
William Rogers

detailed extreme close-up of hands covered in blood
Hmmmmm…

Charles Harris
Charles Harris

the exciting conclusion

Ryan Thomas
Ryan Thomas

robot shop is the new coffee shop

Adam Wilson
Adam Wilson

I have to go, my planet needs me
Sudden, jarring, vague transition
Where the fuck did that ship come from?
How does a plant into space?
MS Paint-tier final page
Dedication to someone he didn't know
Zero tying up of loose ends
Jeph Jaques is a god when it comes to hitting never before seen levels of disappointment. He has elevated laziness to an art form that will only be appreciated 50 years after his death when the world finally catches up to this genius ahead of his time.

Adrian Clark
Adrian Clark

let's hurt our bottom line EVEN MORE by giving value away for nothing!
Ron Swanson was right and Jeph is going to prove it.

Dominic Cox
Dominic Cox

dedicated to ian fucking banks
guarantee the only thing jeph understood about ian banks' books is 'hey it would be cool to have superintelligent ais give me everything i want and never have to work'
never mind that the humans in The Culture are basically just pets

Josiah Russell
Josiah Russell

Real smart cookie

Aaron Jones
Aaron Jones

There's really no way to salvage this that I can think of.

Elijah Torres
Elijah Torres

This story is depriving me of the warmth inside my dog for 40 minutes a week, think I'll end it
Tumblr will want all the loose ends tied up, and Shelby may escape if I have another handwound, better shit out some wrapup
Fuck it, bad guys die, and exposition
Alice goes back to space, they can't ask for a sequel then
Whoops, almost forgot. Lesbian shipping to keep them occupied until this month's Patreon comes in
They're asking me if I forgot things while I'm mid-thrust. Better nip this in the bud.
http://archive.is/F75jq

Nicholas Bell
Nicholas Bell

How do people breath when they kiss ass all day?

Charles Rogers
Charles Rogers

every new dawn brings a nonzero chance that she'll snap and destroy all of the progress that humans have made.
Counting Bowtie Guy and the last war, she's done it twice already.

How unsatisfactory.

Gavia is now black and has long hair.
I know she can change her appearance, but when she's kept the same look throughout the series it's just confusing to at the last moment completely change her without explanation.

Dedicated to Iain M Banks
Poor Mr. Banks. How can Jeph not see it as disrespectful to dedicate something so sloppily written to a dead man.

You should probably take a look at the shape of the opening to the ship in pic 2 of , Sigmund.

Fairly sure Jeph's success already proved the opposite.

I don't know. Perhaps Jeph can write a strip with two characters explaining the phenonomenon with some hard sci-fi exposition.

Kayden Cox
Kayden Cox

People who paid money into this project are delighted by this ending

Sebastian Clark
Sebastian Clark

Aggressively mediocre.
By the looks of it, humanity still hasn't been boosted - my interpretation of this is that Alice has gone completely senile and is utterly convinced that humans are all going to turn into super nanomachine-men so is preparing to leave the planet.
The cast started out wondering what the fuck she was doing, then tried to talk sense into her, but her increasingly bizarre behaviour (such as picking fights with water pumps and running a farm full of clockwork chicks) became too much to deal with, so they just let her keep planning for the nano-apocalypse.

Alice steps into the big seed pod, and it goes nowhere.
At this point, the cast are just humoring her.
The seed pod sits there doing nothing, and every 3 months someone sends Alice a radio message, pretending they're transmitting from a now distant Earth.
Inside, Alice smiles to herself thinking, "Boy, it sure is peaceful up here in space."

Charles Jenkins
Charles Jenkins

Alice steps into the big seed pod, and it goes nowhere.
At this point, the cast are just humoring her.
The seed pod sits there doing nothing, and every 3 months someone sends Alice a radio message, pretending they're transmitting from a now distant Earth.
Inside, Alice smiles to herself thinking, "Boy, it sure is peaceful up here in space
Best possible ending. Since we have no evidence to the contrary, I am treating this as canon.

Dylan Sanchez
Dylan Sanchez

user comes up with a better story line every time, no exceptions.

Zachary Williams
Zachary Williams

Wait a cotton pickin' minute, here!

If the laws of physics are so "optional" then why doesn't Alice just opt to fly into space herself, without the need for a god-damn ship!

Why doesn't she just fold space or his warp speed or some shit?

Stupid bitch.

Aaron Anderson
Aaron Anderson

power of black holes
inability to manipulate time and space
seems legit

Lincoln Thomas
Lincoln Thomas

Suddenly Jeph is the biggest Linkin Park fan. Please. If anyone shit on them it would have been hipster Jeph.

Hunter Powell
Hunter Powell

Vehemently dislike a band
Nobody cares because musical taste is subjective
Band member dies
DON'T SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD!!!
Nobody who is making a fuss right now is going to remember his name in six months. I didn't like Linkin Park at the height of their popularity when I was in middle school/High school because I couldn't get behind their edgy sound and that's not going to change just because somebody killed himself.

Elijah Thompson
Elijah Thompson

People had forgotten Emos.
He had to remind them.
And he has claimed his crown.

Speaking of angst-ridden jerks, Jeph stabbed his hand after someone criticized a character for not being revoltingly fat enough.

But now people are really (and rightly) criticizing the hell out of Alice Grove. Some are even beginning to wonder what it was they donated to.

Maybe Jeph will ram both hands onto a railing spike, this time.

Liam Hughes
Liam Hughes

I'm no writer, but I feel like I could just walk in cold and leave Jeph in the dust. It's not that I think I'm Dostoevsky or anything, just that I'm fairly confident I could follow through on the groundwork.

One of the first things I'd do–and something that seems really obvious–is write character sheets. And, near the very top of those sheets I'd have a section devoted to character motivation. I'd try my best to keep that in mind whenever the character is on panel or being discussed by others. I'd do this even for minor characters. Counter-intuitively it might be even more important there because there is less time for characterization and if you don't do this then all the side characters start sounding like RPG townspeople spouting expository dialogue.

It's patently clear that Jeph didn't think any of this through, the characters, setting, universe mechanics–anything. Only Ardent has a true motivation–getting back home–so he is basically the protagonist, upstaging the titular character. Gavia had a motivation: find Ardent and bring him back, but she lost the means to do so and became a tag along since the first few dozen strips. Alice is a tag along, too. There's no rhyme or reason behind any of this malevolent immortal's actions. Sedna might be the worst character of all. She's introduced with murderous rage and then flips on a dime to join the party that…wants to do something, somewhere, but they're not exactly sure.

It amazes me that anyone has a positive opinion of Alice Grove. It's so dull, vague, and sterile. Nothing is explained and it was obvious even early on that Jeph either didn't care or was immediately over his head.

Wyatt Carter
Wyatt Carter

obligatory

Adam Price
Adam Price

My buddy BenRG over at the forum never disappoints. He's going to salvage Alice Grove with an entry at fanfiction.net. Wish him luck!

His tepid criticism is shocking. This guy internalizes and rationalizes everything Jeph does. He's like the guys who make 4 hour videos trying to put all the Zeldas or Final Fantasies into one cohesive universe and has nothing negative to say about even the laziest, cash grabbing entries in the series.

Josiah Nelson
Josiah Nelson

I've read and heard stories in newspapers and on TV shows about old people and naive fools being scammed out of tens of thousands.
It's not usually one big transaction; the scam artists call them about a bullshit lottery win or some phony investment and continuously leech money from them for as long as they can get away with.
The victims just keeps handing over the cash.

A few scam victims were interviewed and asked why they just keep handing over the money when the situation gets more and more shady.
They say they always have hope the deals may be genuine, and there's a part of them that just refuses to admit they've been taken for a ride.
They just can't stand even the thought of such humiliation, so they keep playing along despite the nagging feeling they are indeed being conned.

I think Jeph's patreon donors experience something similar.

Lincoln Stewart
Lincoln Stewart

And whoever donated to Spoony too.

Jacob Diaz
Jacob Diaz

Pretty indepth.

Ian Long
Ian Long

The victims just keeps handing over the cash.
Right. It starts with a "filing fee" then "bank transfer fee" then "customs fee" and after a while the sunk cost fallacy kicks in and people keep dumping money in even though they may be consciously aware that they're being scammed.

Tyler Ross
Tyler Ross

You friend sounds pretty pathetic to be honest.

Jaxson Wood
Jaxson Wood

Your sarcasm detector seems broken.

Brayden Sullivan
Brayden Sullivan

wtf is that gavia, why is she brown!?

Joseph Gomez
Joseph Gomez

Because being white is bad.

Angel Jackson
Angel Jackson

Great minds think alike, it seems. Expect results soon.

Sebastian Garcia
Sebastian Garcia

Will the hero of the story live on to guide humanity to the stars?

Jacob Sullivan
Jacob Sullivan

I'm never going to get over those pectorals that Jeph mistakenly drew instead of tits.

Why is her eye red? Did she push too hard?

"secondary sexual characteristic"

Someone remind me to murder Jeph.

My buddy BenRG
He's going to salvage Alice Grove with an entry at fanfiction.net. Wish him luck!

I am reminding you to murder BenRG.

Will the hero of the story live on to guide humanity to the stars?

She will die from a cosmic yeast infection, and that's better than she deserves.

So…can anyone write at fanfiction.net?
Alice could smell the ripe vulva of the Jephling as it sashayed towards her, humming a song by an indy band that no one else in the entire universe had ever heard of.
"Hi! I'm Jeph Jacques! And I'd like to talk to you about my Patreon!"
Alice withdrew her vibroblade from its sheath and advanced on the pathetic creature…

Angel Lee
Angel Lee

I am reminding you to murder BenRG.
Deal. But let's wait until he releases the fan fiction so that he leaves a legacy to mock.

Liam Lee
Liam Lee

Honestly, we can mock him all we like, but, sight unseen, I can already tell that it will be better than Jeph's attempt at his own story.

"Once upon a time I fucked myself with a dead gopher! The End!"
*sound of Jeph crying and stabbing his hands out of jealousy*

Mason Thompson
Mason Thompson

Alice is not the hero. Glasses-kun is the hero.

Nicholas Lewis
Nicholas Lewis

Alice is not the hero. Glasses-kun is the hero.

Which one is that? The Nightcrawler rip-off or Girl Hitler?

Ayden Jenkins
Ayden Jenkins

The white male that was murdered for wanting to push humanity out of the dark ages.

Carson Anderson
Carson Anderson

The barriers to entry at fanfiction.net aren't that high. All of this got in:
https://twitter.com/fanfiction_txt

Logan Sanchez
Logan Sanchez

The reason people hire living signs is because in a lot of places it's illegal to just plonk down a sign.

Colton Torres
Colton Torres

What? No avocado?

Logan Murphy
Logan Murphy

Anyone demand a refund yet? I don't know how Patreon works.

Lucas Long
Lucas Long

It's like if Kickstarter were subscription based, and instead of backing a project you're paying the person directly. The idea being that you're their patron, funding their creative work.
In most cases it just ends up being a massively multiplayer online welfare program though.

Joseph Powell
Joseph Powell

But Jeph wouldn't know this, never actually working for a living.

I'm guessing you can do that only for unfulfilled pledge tiers, if even that. Some time ago I noticed Jeph was sneaky by just vaguely announcing Alice Grove on Patreon, not even giving its name, and giving the rest of the details on Twitter. That way he couldn't be held to any hard promises.

Hudson Watson
Hudson Watson

From back in the early days. Make of this what you will.

Angel Barnes
Angel Barnes

Keep in mind, Alice is supposed to be the hero.

Chase Cruz
Chase Cruz

"Oh, by the way I was directly responsible for the greatest act of genocide in the history of the known world."
Also, pop quiz. What faction did Alice fight on?

Julian Stewart
Julian Stewart

Are you sure Alice is meant to be the hero? Maybe Jeph intended for her to be the villain the whole time?

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