CellJS - A self-driving cancer

Henry Fisher
Henry Fisher

Posted here from HN

This shit needs to stop. I am tired of enabling Pooscript in every single fucking page because they require it. I am tired of not being able to log in to sites because they use AJAX and don't allow regular POST requests. I am tired of these hipsters shitting up the tech industry as we know it.

To view their fucking cancer page, I need to middle-click NoScript THREE TIMES. Then I reload, and the page itself shows up in FOUR SECONDS.
FOR A FUCKING BAREBONES PAGE THAT COULD BE DONE WITH HTML AND NOTHING ELSE
I am fucking sick and tired of these Pooscript Pajeets that think it's the panacea, when it's the cancer. I'm fucking done with the web.

http://celljs.org/

All urls found in this thread:
http://celljs.org/
https://nonfree.pizza/
https://www.w3.org/standards/webdesign/accessibility
http://www.lifehack.org/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AmigaGuide
Zachary Young
Zachary Young

https://nonfree.pizza/

Justin Thomas
Justin Thomas

everyone can make their own site with whatever the hell they want
they owe you nothing, autist
and what do you expect "I made a website framework, but I won't use it for its own website"?

Christian Cook
Christian Cook

This shit needs to stop.
Let's hear your plan then on how to stop this.
The truth is we can't do shit. Web devs need new .js library every week to work with, otherwise they would have nothing to do and would be just writing skins around databases. With webassembly things will get even worse. In the future there will be no standalone applications. Everything will be accessed using web browser, because muh one platform to rule them all.
Also most webpages are shit whether they use js or not, they are only there to farm ad clicks. Only useful things left on the web are wikis, forums, torrent indexers and software project pages, excluding ones with .io domain as they usually use hip new technology that I'm not a very big fan of.

Henry Stewart
Henry Stewart

https://medium.com/@jsrmath/i-am-writing-a-javascript-to-rust-transpiler-in-haskell-so-please-just-end-my-suffering-501d60be3f3c" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https:[email protected][email protected]e-just-end-my-suffering-501d60be3f3c

Benjamin Sullivan
Benjamin Sullivan

Every morning, I wake up, drink a glass of Soylent and recite the following: “Today, I will solve challenging problems. Tomorrow, I will also solve challenging problems. Every day, I will solve challenging problems, and then the robots will take over, and I will die a fulfilled man, and someone will post my obituary on Hacker News.” Then I log into my machine using a custom startup script.
Welcome, Julian. Would you like to make the world a better place today? y/n
y
Very good. You may now enjoy root access to your system.
Tell me this shit is satire.

Ethan Sullivan
Ethan Sullivan

It should be completely obvious from the text alone, with the "Please save me" at the end and all, but besides that, it's literally tagged "Satire".

Jonathan Edwards
Jonathan Edwards

1. Avoid websites that fail without Javascript. They don't need your time.
2. If you simply demand to go to a certain site with login accounts, then you could send the site an email detailing your account that their website cannot work with your disability support technologies that aren't compatible with Javascript.

Ryan Lee
Ryan Lee

To view their fucking cancer page, I need to middle-click NoScript THREE TIMES.

You have to refresh so many times because cloudflare and aws.

Lincoln Scott
Lincoln Scott

Oops, I didn't see the "satire" tag. Now I'm retarded.

Kayden Garcia
Kayden Garcia

I still live in the 90s, the thread
Cell is retarded, but it won't pick up much.

The web now incorporates logic.
No, it's not Haskell or C like you would like it.
It's Javascript. Grow up.

Oliver Ramirez
Oliver Ramirez

Grow up.
Hello SJW

Robert Rivera
Robert Rivera

Hello SJW
Personal attack
No, you're a cum guzzling faggot just like they are.

"The world isn't the way I constructed it in my mind, you are inferior and must conform to my standards"

Jordan Harris
Jordan Harris

When they're breaking something that was working before in favor of their shitty pooscript code, I am going to get angry. I don't want to run arbitrary code on my computer to read an article.

Leo Gray
Leo Gray

When they're breaking something that was working before
It wasn't, dipshit.
It is a new and powerful technology that enables anyone to turn websites into something more than an internet newspaper.
Breaking news: the web can now be more than an electronic newspaper.

Of course it will be abused. CellJS is clearly unprofessional, especially since they're missing a Title and a favicon.

I am going to get angry
Your feefees all tingly?

"The world isn't the way I constructed it in my mind, you are inferior and must conform to my standards"

Jason Bailey
Jason Bailey

Why are you defending this shit? Who's paying you?
the web can now be more than an electronic newspaper
Nobody claimed it needed to be static, dipshit. The problem is when people start to use Pooscript for things other than making content dynamic, like, I dunno, providing the fucking page structure (which HTML already does).
Your feefees all tingly?
Yes, I'm so hurt. ;_;
redtext
are you the "FILENAMES ARENT BROKEN REEEEE" guy from /sudo/? I'm seeing similar patterns here.

Brayden Taylor
Brayden Taylor

HTML does not layout page structure. HTML will only markup page semantics.

Isaiah Harris
Isaiah Harris

Why are you defending this shit? Who's paying you?
Now that you're losing this argument, you've resorted to personal attacks? You really act like an SJW.

Nobody claimed it needed to be static, dipshit.
You do.
You want your webpages without javascript.

are you the "FILENAMES ARENT BROKEN REEEEE" guy from /sudo/? I'm seeing similar patterns here.
Another personal attack.
No I'm not that guy, but it's funny you waste enough time here to make enemies.
The redtext sums up your childish behavior perfectly.

Instead of bitching on an anonymous imageboard, why don't you be productive and code shit?
Because this is how you give your lazy ass self-worth.
Take advice from . Grow up, and be responsible instead of whining about your environment.

James Robinson
James Robinson

You want your webpages without javascript.
I want my pages without REQUIRED pooscript. Hipster faggots can fap to how many things in a page they can reload via AJAX all they want, I want to be able to view a page without running their code. When the site is actually focused on something that can not be done without Pooscript (i.e. a browser game, or something that isn't a fucking article) I'll gladly enable it.
Another personal attack.
Why are you so upset about "personal attacks" (not that there's any, that was an accusation and not an attack)? Your feefees seem to be hurt.
The redtext sums up your childish behavior perfectly.
You missed the entire point of my rant.
Instead of bitching on an anonymous imageboard, why don't you be productive and code shit?
I came back from my day-job as a systems programmer about an hour ago. Now you're going to call me a LARPer.
Grow up, and be responsible instead of whining about your environment.
I'm not going to take advice from some butthurt neckbeard on a Taiwanese finger-painting board.
Let's hear your plan then on how to stop this.
I have yet to come up with something. If I did, I'd be telling you something.
devs need new .js library every week to work with, otherwise they would have nothing to do and would be just writing skins around databases.
This, unfortunately. I wish they didn't make it necessary to run their shitty code though.
Everything will be accessed using web browser, because muh one platform to rule them all.
You have to admit though, HTML+CSS allows platform independent rendering. While HTML, CSS and JS are shit, they allow your app/whatever to be rendered the same whether you are on Wangblows or GNU/Linux or a Fagbook.
Only useful things left on the web are wikis, forums, torrent indexers and software project pages,
This so much. I only use HTTP for Holla Forums, software documentation, articles from some sites and software updates at this point.

David Morgan
David Morgan

Is it possible to build a sandbox server that fetch website content and turn it into non pooscript webpage.

Isaiah Murphy
Isaiah Murphy

I want my pages without REQUIRED pooscript. Hipster faggots can fap to how many things in a page they can reload via AJAX all they want, I want to be able to view a page without running their code.
You missed the entire point of my rant.

"The world isn't the way I constructed it in my mind, you are inferior and must conform to my standards"

I came back from my day-job as a systems programmer about an hour ago.
I'm sure you did Linus.

I'm not going to take advice from some butthurt neckbeard on a Taiwanese finger-painting board.
topkek
You started the thread to whine about some obviously poorly coded site.
I told you to grow up. The web has a lot of power, and a natural side effect is that people will abuse it.
You want to live in the 90s with your electronic newspapers?
Be my guest.
Don't complain when it doesn't work the way you constructed it in your mind.

Tyler Parker
Tyler Parker

That's actually not an bad idea. You could set up dedicated service for web page retrieval and send plain HTML with pre-rendered dynamic content to the client. Doesn't Stallman actually does something like this already? The best thing would be to use some kind of public hosting, maybe something like 000webhost, so you actually fetch webpage from their server and send static content back to yourself, basically a web proxy but with enhanced privacy and debloating features.

Bentley Young
Bentley Young

This is basically what Opera Mini and the Google WAP proxy already do.

Jordan Hill
Jordan Hill

I was about to say this. This could actually be a good webservice for autists, but then the problem would be "muh MITM", in which case we could make this into something you can run on your server. I'll start with the logo.

Jose Wright
Jose Wright

I'm sure you did Linus.
like pottery
You want to live in the 90s with your electronic newspapers?
Read my post. I did not say the web being dynamic is bad. I said that if I want to, I should be able to turn off non-essential dynamic parts of the webpage and use it statically, like when I'm reading something on an Android phone and don't want to waste battery by downloading and executing 50 Javascript libraries to view some page. Making Javascript a hard dependency on something for which it isn't essential is bad.

Isaiah Hall
Isaiah Hall

'Man in the Middle' is actually a good name for such a service since it describes what it does. 'MITM Proxy' or something.

Hudson Brooks
Hudson Brooks

A self-driving web app framework.
holy fuck every single linguistic construct used in that sentence is cancerous and some of them on multiple levels.
This shit needs to stop. I am tired of enabling Pooscript in every single fucking page because they require it.
Why would you visit any site made by HNers? They're literally all bootstrap landing pages and pointless "apps" to reimplement "chat but on web" for the 50000th time.
also see

Chase Thomas
Chase Thomas

what and what? literally what the fuck?
archive.is you niggers (although i cant access it because it's behind cuckflare)

Ayden Jackson
Ayden Jackson

You want to live in the 90s with your electronic newspapers?
literally yes. literally the only merit of the web is the ability to serve documents with declarative markup and hyperlinks between them. the idea that an actual program can be "on the web" is so fucking naive and missing the point. in order to be able to do this, you need to make the browser into an operating system (woops already happened), and now you have dependency hell
oh this game needs flash v5.5.5 but only 32-bit on windows
oh this game needs unity, but unity doesn't work in this browser
oh this game needs some specific version of d3d, which only some browsers on some os support)
and a buggy insecure OS, not to mention is about 10000 times slower than normal programs that aren't "on the web"
gas yourself webfucks

John Lopez
John Lopez

How does your sandbox server keep track of each individual client's state? These current apps use memory, session storage, local storage, cookies, the works. You'd need to know what the state of each connected client was so you could return the correct data when something changes.

Logan Rogers
Logan Rogers

I hear ya bro. I used Lynx and Netscape without JS for a very long time before they started doing this shit. Pretty much gave up on the mainstream web because of this. I only keep Firefox around so I can login to some sites like my bank or ecommerce shit. Otherwise if a site doesn't work in either of Lynx, Links, or Dillo, then I just avoid it. Ain't worth the trouble tbh, for regular "browsing".
Oh, I noticed that archive.org has added JS to make it harder to use their site now. Not that their design was so great or easy to find stuff with before, but now it's a real PITA.

Isaac Fisher
Isaac Fisher

Javascript usage quidelines
Goal: Distribute text over the http protocol.
Question you should ask: How can I upload a .txt file to a webserver?

Goal: Distribute designed and formatted text over the http protocol.
Site you should read and understand: https://www.w3.org/standards/webdesign/accessibility

Goal: Display dynamic content.
Questions you should ask: What is server-side scripting? What is PHP?

Goal: Refresh a single number on a 20+ MB site every second.
Question you should ask: What is cache and meta-refresh?

Goal: Display image slideshow, animate the content, embed videos and stuff.
Question you should ask: What is CSS3 and what are HTML5 elements?

Goal: Track mouse movements, keystrokes on a web page, and make a program browser-dependent instead of OS-dependent.
You can reach this goal by using Javascript.

Ayden James
Ayden James

We are not talking about web apps here e.g. google docs or something similar. We are talking about ordinary websites that only serve text content but use some kind of js to fetch it or have unbearable amount of useless shit embedded in them (popups to sign for our shitty newstler). An example of this normalfag shit website would be: http://www.lifehack.org/ it wont even budge if js is disabled and you don't need any state tied to the user to render page that you navigated to it using url. If I render that page in headless browser all the required DOM shit would be loaded before I would send it to myself. So all we need is WebDecrapifier 1.0, proxy which executes js for you and just sends you HTML. There is no need to keep track of user state for this.

Connor Stewart
Connor Stewart

In the future there will be no standalone applications
gno

Grayson Smith
Grayson Smith

Hell yeah, I'd go back to the 90's in a hearbeat. Everything was much better. Internet and web didn't suck ass like now with scripts to show ads and track you everywhere, games weren't pozzed, computers weren't botnet, and there was lots more choices of computer architecture.
Actually first time I experienced hypertext was on my Amiga 500, since they gave me a free upgrade to OS 2.1 when I bought a HD expansion. The new OS included AmigaGuide.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AmigaGuide
Anyway I guess MacOS had something earlier, but they both predate the web.

Noah Nguyen
Noah Nguyen

It's already happening. Just look at android for example. A lot of the applications are already browser engine + some js. Exactly the same thing is happening on the desktop - electron. We just have too much computing resources. Need 500MB for a framework that powers todo app? Sure why not users have TB of hdd space available it's not like they need any of it.

Cooper Moore
Cooper Moore

so what?
I do not install js-based applications, neither on android nor desktop.

Justin Barnes
Justin Barnes

Yes, you don't. But you can't say the same for your neighbor Stacy. You represent negligible part of user base that those applications are targeting.
Also what if some muppet at gnome decides that this will be only way of making applications? "Hey, lets replace GTK with electron. It's a lot nicer to work with. Oh and by the way this will require changing wayland and will break old applications. But nobody uses them anymore so I guess it's ok." I hope that this never happens, but with so many "technology innovations" coming a long it's certainly a possibility.

Jordan Rodriguez
Jordan Rodriguez

So what? Free software can be forked.
And the people who actually do the harder things are not likely to do this retardation out of pure enthusiasm.
As long as potent developers are not wasted, free (and useful) software is here to stay.

Easton Rogers
Easton Rogers

It's not naive when that's what the people want. Goals change over time. Get over it.

Nicholas Gonzalez
Nicholas Gonzalez

what people want is games that run at 20 fps because they are "on the web"
what people want are pages that load one image at a time every time you press the next button
what people want is the experience where you have 5 news articles open and your browser crawls to a halt because these 5 diferent sites all have a different "web stack"
no, you are naive and fucktarded. just because some bullshit pseudosicence is a trend does it make it any good, nor does it make it "what people want", it's just what they put up with.

Elijah Anderson
Elijah Anderson

Please don't make strawman arguments as if making a counterargument.

Connor Walker
Connor Walker

someone:
You want to live in the 90s with your electronic newspapers?
me:
yes
you:
move goalpost to what normalfags want
me:
no fuck you
you:
le strawman
literally what.

Parker King
Parker King

lmao Electron apps wouldn't surprise me from Gnome fags

Eli Adams
Eli Adams

Advances in technology do not justify shit-ass coding but that is exactly what faster connections and hardware have caused.

Nicholas Nelson
Nicholas Nelson

fpbp

Try not being an autist, JS is part of the web. If you have a problem with tracking scripts, use a blocklist. If the performance is shit, blame the programmer or your toaster.

Andrew Powell
Andrew Powell

Jerk off to "reactive design"
Make pages that fall apart if the viewport is narrower than some arbitrary size
I never understood this meme.

James Carter
James Carter

Even the design itself is shit. There's not a single redeemable aspect of the modern web.

Benjamin Gray
Benjamin Gray

Try not being an autist, JS is part of the web.

Get out faggot.

Brayden Butler
Brayden Butler

blame the programmer or your toaster.
or your toaster.
The 3 second load time of the cellJS page happened on an i7-4790.

Ryder Wright
Ryder Wright

block all cdn connections
lol why does it take so long to resolve now

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