What's the worst movie you've ever seen?

What's the worst movie you've ever seen?

I stupidly downloaded this because of the trailer, and I'm only halfway through it and I'm struggling to think of anything to top it.

When I opened the file the SONY logo popped up and I went "Uh-oh…" googling it I see Jonah Hill was one of the producers. Every project he's ever been attached to has been garbage. He just makes nothing but pure shit. How does he keep getting to make movies? It can't just be because he's Jewish, lots of Jew actors came and went in the last couple decades.

It combines all the worst qualities of comedy movies in the last decade.

-Nobody feels like a real character. Lots of shitty dialog where people just say what a good film would show you. Lots of "Wow, you're the biggest loser in school!" type shit
-The "humor" largely depends on ad-libbing and is never very funny. Whole thing feels lazy.
-Half the cast feels like shitty cameos that don't remotely justify themselves.
-Everyone's an annoying nonsensical caricature, no one acts like an actual human being, everything proceeds like it was written on a cocktail napkin.

It's like I'm watching a 90 minute fake trailer.

Basic plot synopsis so far:

-Alternate world where vampires and zombies are common every day things, but there's an uneasy peace between the three communities with zombies largely used as slave labor.
-Aliens invade so simultaneously all three groups inexplicably decide to attack eachother.
-Main character (who right now is human but I'm like 90% sure the twist will be he's a werewolf) is trying to get in Vanessa Hudgen's pants, her giant head and chin dimple make it impossible for me to accept her as "the hot chick". She keeps her weed at his house and claims to be a virgin but is actually fucking the main vampire guy.
-Second nerd character intentionally becomes a zombie.
-Lanky flat chick lets the vampire guy talk her into letting him bite her because vampirism is a metaphor for virginity or whatever.
-Everybody kills everybody, the three characters are revealed to have hung out with eachother in middle school, they get into the basement of the house they've run to, Patton Oswalt and his mother are there, while the human locks up the zombie and vampire eat both of them. Vamp chick also killed Hudgens.

Now I'm already annoyed at that point, but I wasn't angry. Four things happen at this point that changed that.

-So while these three characters are inexplicably being friends all of a sudden, their childhood past is revealed, and the girl tells this retarded story about how she and the human played seven minutes in heaven in 6th grade and he lied and claimed to grab her boob and everyone called her a slut, and he spends like two minutes apologizing to the girl who just killed his girlfriend and his music teacher for it, and she then replies with "It's okay, I probably didn't have any boobs back then." like that's something you wouldn't know about your own fucking body.
-It's revealed he used to hang out with the zombie kid, but stopped because he wanted to be with the popular kids, which might make sense except the first half hour of the movie he was hanging out with some sarcastic Indian kid who is way nerdier than this guy.

-Zombie kid starts regaining the ability to say more than "brains" and the human explains "I took undead biology. The longer he's starved from brains the smarter he gets. I got a plan, let's just keep him from eating and then he'll become a genius and figure out how to beat the aliens." That's seriously the plot.
-So after this retarded heart-to-heart in the basement they decide to leave because "we've been down here too long." and as they step out they realize the sun's up and the vampire starts burning, so the human guy strips naked and covers her in his clothes. This is about to get way more retarded. She says "You don't wear underwear?" and he replies "Shut up, they bunch up!" Really the only clothing item he needed to give her to cover up was his hoodie, but the plot needed him to be completely naked. This immediately feels even stupider as they film it next to a clothesline which he runs into and falls over, but doesn't feel the need to grab a single article of clothing. So why did he need to be naked?

When they get to the school he says "The aliens just kinda ignored me for some reason." and the zombie says "Duh, it's because you were naked dumbass, the aliens can only see inorganic matter. That's my theory."

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rockula
twitter.com/AnonBabble

That's a big wall of text OP.

I haven't seen that many movies luckily but the worst ones are probably that one with the guy for whom 2 presidents cater for because he's the last vote available (lmao) which ends with him we dont know who he voted for and apocalypto.

I would also say Hannibal (with anthony hopkins) if it weren't for Anthony Hopkins' acting, the music and the action, but the plot was null.

Swing Vote.

Mamma Mia

Oh user, are you telling me you didn't enjoy the story of a nasty old slut being celebrated for fucking a bunch of dudes close enough to the same time that she doesn't know which one fathered her child?

Mine was probably the remake of The day the Earth Still. I noped as soon as the robot was revealed.

I've laughed at a lot of bad movies both on and off MST3K before but nothing prepared me for this pile of pretentious excrement.

I saw this trailer and thought that it would be a fun shitty movie to watch. It turns out it was just a shitty movie.

It combines all the worst qualities of comedy movies in the nineties.

-Nobody feels like a real character. Lots of shitty dialog where people just say what a random redditor would. Lots of "Wow, you're the biggest loser in LA!" type shit
-The "humor" largely depends on references and is never very funny. Whole thing feels lazy.
-Half the cast feels like shitty cameos that don't remotely justify themselves.
-Everyone's an annoying nonsensical caricature, no one acts like an actual human being, everything proceeds like it was written on a cocktail napkin.

Van Helsing to me.

I actually stopped halfway mid through it, and I had paid for the DVD rental. It was one of two movies I ever did that. And it was just out of pure painful boredom, no anger or anything.

Look at this pleb and laugh

Fuck this film. Fuck the cast and fuck the gook that made it.

I wanted to start a cinema shooting out of boredom.

Pointless shit. I've seen better p0rn from facialabuse.

I see you didn't provide any counterarguments

This movie's got it all.
Shitty story.
Shitty CGI.
Cringy as fuck love scenes.
Players that can't act.
Plot holes, plot holes everywhere.

I had a lot of issues with this film. The terrible CGI, the odd choice of Dracula actor, the werewolf subplot, the retarded automatic crossbow. I think the worst moment to me though was when the sidekick monk sees one of those Dracula bat babies smack into a window and he starts aimlessly running through the building and goes "Must… warn… SOMEbody!" I'd like to think it was ad-libbed, but it was just such terrible "What's this guy doing that we can fill time with?" dialog.

That movie was utter shit, but at the same time it had something very cool about it. I think it could be reworked into a master piece.

Worst movie I ever saw was Kiss Daddy Goodnight. No poster, don't even want to look it up. Stars a bunch of people before they were famous, and it's incredibly boring.


Ghost Rider is kino.

This movie is unbelievably bad.

>Immediately after he leaves, one of the pornstars literally gets shit on


The sequel was a pretty solid ghost rider adaptation actually. But yeah, the first one is trash.

FIX YOUR SHIT, CRIPPLE

Probably the Cage. He looked like he wanted to ride bikes and maybe do a movie during the brakes.

this board is for cartoons and waifus kthxbai

He's one of those actors that makes bizarre demands to make the character his own.

Ghost Rider eating jelly bean martinis was at Cage's insistence.

He will be this generation's Christopher Walken. Still needs a bit work to get to the Communion levels. Every scene of that movie was weird, even without any aliens in it.

All you faggots complaining go watch birdemic

Whitley Strieber said Walken played him like that to make fun of him but he's probably a paranoid nutjob himself so jury's out as far as I'm concerned


Matrix Reloaded is the only one where I genuinely wanted to walk out of the theater

But then you would have missed that kino highway scene.

Transformers 3. I rented it on dvd from netflix right after I graduated highschool. I saw it to see if it was as bad as everyone said and my god it was. It was not just stupid but spiteful and just nasty. I didn't think it could be worse than the 2nd one but it managed to be.

I remember watching Reunion with my friends for a movie marathon, We were laughing the whole time. Honestly dont know why he agreed to do this movie.

walked out of the theater before the halfway point, got my money back and a free ticket.


Dear god this was probably the worst thing I'd ever seen put onto film, this film takes the cake for bad everything

tie between Marie Antoinette, My Favorite Martian and Green Lantern

All the way through? Probably Epic/Disaster Movie. Whereas their other film, Meet the Spartans had at least one or two moments that elicited some brief laughter that kept me watching intently to the end, those two pieces of shit were just painful to watch and I gave up less than half way in, doing other shit while the audio played in my headphones and occasionally turning back if something "interesting" happened.

King's Ransom

Was such a horrendous movie. It was a ripoff of Ruthless People for the most part.

Instead of doing some decent jokes that get built up over the course of the movie, it instead just tries doing a few sassy black people moments. The one white guy Jay Mohr actually seemed to get into his role so that he could feel like he was seriously trying to do something with the script.

Most movies I can at least feel like there's something decent about it. Like Ghost Rider or Van Helsing as mentioned in this thread, I could see as trashy bullshit movies to watch one evening, I'd feel they were forgettable trash, but I wouldn't feel less of a person for having watched them.

With King's Ransom I learned to hate black people movies. Which is all it was, it took the general idea behind Ruthless People and plonked blacks into it who don't really do anything funny and I can't help but feel it is because none of the black people in the movie wanted to be portrayed as trashy, so the only character that felt they could be made to look ridiculous was the one white guy which just doesn't work in a comedy. A lot of movie are vanity projects, but this was an entire ensemble cast (minus white guy) that were playing this project as something purely meant to make themselves look cool on screen.

the bathroom scene is pretty hot

There are so many unwatchable murican comedies in those lines…

OP is that the whole movie?

Skyline looked like the intro to a vidya game\

I honestly regret watching those movies as a kid.


American comedies have really gone down the shitter.

Oh, no. I just figured I was already longwinded enough. I'll summarize the rest from what I remember.

The aliens turn out not to be killing anyone, but teleporting them all to a market. They figure out they're there for a chemical found in this food product the town is famous for, but like everything else the way they figure out demonstrates incredibly poor writing.

The zombie reveals an allergic reaction to being touched by an alien, he explains this is because he's allergic to the chemical, so they must have traveled all over the galaxy to get this chemical in this town.

So he figures this out because they already have the chemical they came to Earth for, and they're going through garbage cans looking for it because apparently their scanners are powerful enough to narrow it's location to a single town on a planet across the galaxy, but not where in the town.

The humans, zombies and vampires are kept in different forcefields in a hardware store, the zombie guy suggests they can overload the force fields if everyone in town just works together and all three groups charge the force field at once. This is accomplished by everyone chanting "USA! USA!" (in case anyone's thinking it, as shitty as this movie was I highly doubt this was a Trump thing despite them going "Let's tear down this wall!" because the movie came out in 2015.)

They go to the plant where the chemical is housed, and the aliens walk up to it, then open their suits and reveal their real form as like little glowing sperm cell/maggot looking things that all jump into the chemical. They combine into a single being which speaks to them and says they were essentially just "coming over to borrow a cup of sugar" and starts lecturing them using Billy Joel lyrics. The townspeople give it shit for being condescending and it goes "Alright, fuck this" and starts fighting everyone. A spray of ammonia hurts it, so a couple convenient ammonia hoses are grabbed and pointed at it.

While they fight it back with that the Twilight vampire guy randomly and inexplicably attacks the girl he turned earlier and says biting her was really slumming it or something like that and just starts trying to murder her for no explicable reason. This causes the "human" to (as I predicted) transform into a werewolf and fight him to the death, finally killing him. The alien is shrivveled down to a melty midget form and runs away to be teleported back to his ship. I don't know why he couldn't have done this to begin with. In his ship he decides to use his ship's weapon to destroy the town, but luckily instead of a beam like he demonstrated earlier, the weapon is a grenade the size of a baseball.

I neglected to mention a couple really unimportant scenes earlier. The nerd zombie had a flashback where he almost caught a baseball as a child but was pushed out of the way last minute. The werewolf has been shown repeatedly to have an incredibly strong throwing arm. The zombie catches the alien grenade, and the werewolf takes it and throws it straight back up into the ship. The alien somehow realizes this happened a second before the grenade explodes destroying his ship.

Oh, also predictaby Hudgens wasn't killed but turned into a vampire. She has a line where she says she's not mad about it because "My tits are like twice as big now" although they look the exact same size, so she probably ad-libbed this as you'd think they'd at least have padded her bra if it was in the script.

The nerd zombie's entire family are zombies now so they don't care about anything and accept him. The werewolf fucks the lanky vampire chick, and Hudgens settles for a zombified version of the minor Indian friend character who died at the start of the film.

Roll credits revealing a long series of bloopers proving for certain most of the dialog was ad-libbed, and when your whole script is ad-libbed you get a lot of shots of people explaining exactly what they're doing and what the audience is seeing.

Thanks OP, you've got a good review/ writing style - jealous

I still don't understand why that film is so popular, it's not horrible or something but it came off as something that normally would have been forgotten after 2 years or so. Is it just because of the "lel he's actually jesus" thing?

I saw the 13th Warrior with Antonio Banderas in the 90's. It was the only film I've ever walked out on. Incredibly boring and confusing.

Get out.
This is pure kino.

From recent memory, it has to be Gotti - incidently, the only mafia movie I really hated.

I just love Jeff Bridges' personality.

Either Iron Man 3 or Transformers 4. Entertainingly enough, tough, especially the part where you take a closer look at the overall plot and details and get a good laugh

what a queer

13th Warrior was awful.

Elevator that kills people. nuf said. its shit

thats the worst movie you have ever seen? i can see why its meh, but its not that bad. theres plenty worse out there

...

Forgot pic

For me, it's Cars. The Pixar movie. The garbage heap is so boring I can't even get through it without falling asleep or completely dropping focus on the movie. I don't know what it is but this movie fucking sucks.

Only movie I've walked out on was The Invention of Lying but I've probably seen worse on dvd that just never registered. Maybe Space Cop.


It's comfy. A couple of bowling buddies get sucked into a mystery and wackiness ensues. There's nothing dark or menacing about it. Just wholesome fun.


It's from Kevin Smith's personal erotic fictions.

Probably because it's for children.

Do joints count? Because the worst I've seen is She Hate Me. It's been years and I didn't finish it but it was just garbage. I can remember a part where a doctor commits suicide that you were apparently meant to take seriously but it was filmed in a way where it came off like an unfunny joke. That might be the best way to describe the tone; you weren't sure if it was meant to be comedic, but even it was it wouldn't be funny.

What the fuck? I'm having serious deja vu. I saw this post days ago, but I remember it in a different film.

I've been having constant deja vu this week.

I meant. I should probably get some sleep.

Wasn't this a huge box office flop?

Oh man, She Hate Me was ridiculously bad.

I can pick out a couple that were really hard to get through, borderline unwatchable.

...

At the very least it's visually interesting enough to hold your attention. I've seen a lot of movies I had to turn off after 20 minutes because they were just that boring.

Yeah, they tried to bury it's release and it only has three reviews, all bad.

I never liked it myself. That or animal house. Never really got where all the hype came from.


These two really take the cake for me. Law Abiding Citizen is about as corny as you can get. Every ridiculous situation involved Gerard Butler accounts for and has plan after plan or backup plan after backup plan.

Nashville, I saw most of it when I was trying to watch every film on the AFI top 100 a few years back. Most bad movies I can just fall asleep no big deal. This I actually had to turn off.

Land of the Lost was fine faggot.

Cheerleader Ninjas probably. Awesome premise that could have made for some excellent schlock, but it's boring and unfunny trash. I will not download a picture of it and post it because it's not worth my time.

I saw that. It was like a significantly worse version of those Charlie's Angels movies, which themselves were awful.

For me, it's The Witches. It's almost Garbage Pail Kids tier godawful. The only reason I say "almost" is because I haven't actually watched Garbage Pail Kids fully, but I've seen quite enough of it in clip reviews, i.e. the Nostalgia Critic or I Hate Everything's "The Search for the Worst" series.


Transformers 4 is easily the 2nd worst movie I've ever seen. WAY worse than Revenge of the Fallen. I felt actual pain from how badly they derailed Optimus Prime's character… Oh, and Iron Man 3 is the worst MCU movie there is, with Civil War coming at a close second.


"It's for kids" is no excuse for entertainment to suck. That didn't stop previous Pixar films from achieving the legendarily high status that now serves as a standard for Pixar films to reach.

The worst part about Law Abiding Citizen was how the filmmakers seemed to expect us to sympathize with Jamie Foxx's character by the end.

the book & its sequel were really good.

gerard butler is clearly the good guy, but by the end the movie is trying to force us to think otherwise. it's confusing & unsatisfying.

The worst move of all time has to be Rockula

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rockula

case fucking closed

I cover your Rockulla and raise you a Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant.

The worst movie I ever saw was The Godfather (Part I). I hope to live long enough for people to come to their senses about this kino. The movie is fucking awful. The second one is average, the third pretty shitty, but the first is just total garbage but people think it's like the second greatest of all time. Holy crap that movie is bad. 🔨

For a while I thought it was the same movie as this

The amazing thing about this movie, is that the cambodian graphic novel that inspired it is actually worse than the movie.

And the Cambodian Graphic Novel is based on a book by the same author, that is so crap that it is called Darren Shan's Adventures by Darren Shan, from a series of books called The Saga of Darren Shan. And the protagonist is called Darren Shan (as he is in the movie as well).

Not bad because the filmmakers were inept, bad because it's the essence of cringe.

The film-making by fucking Tony Scott was very inept as well, the cutting and camera work are spastic to the point of vomit inducing and I don't usually get nauseated by anything.

Can't believe he also did Man on Fire.

This piece of shit. In all my days I have never watched a movie more boring or unfunny, because it was so boring that I couldn't even laugh at the shitiness

I have no idea what this movie is about but I have no desire to now

t. /k/

When I was only 12 years old I saw a movie that bored me to such a level that has never been surpassed since. I remember very little about it but it had a scene where steam or smoke wafted through the air for like 10 minutes straight and literally nothing else happened. I thought it was called Toxic Avengers for a while but I saw a movie with that name later on that was at least entertaining so that couldn't have been it. All else I remember about it is that the plot had something to do with environmentalists and it looked like it was from the 70s, 80s or early 90s.

...

Cage made the movie because he fucking loves Ghost Rider. They had to digitally remove his Ghost Rider tattoo for a lot of the movie,

Jamie Foxx is a fucking asswipe, who demanded they rewrite him as the hero in the end after he had already agreed to the project and had started filming. Calling him a nigger would be an insult to niggers, I hate that man so much. Half the movies he's in he pulls that bullshit.

Koyaanisqatsi is literal kino. If it the movie you say watch it again. The rest of the Qatsi trilogy and Baraka and Samsara are shit though.

Is that true? God, what an asshole.

Sweet mother of Christian Chandler.

Sounds like that may have been it. The soundtrack is GOAT so I'll have to try watching it again. I wonder why I thought it was called Toxic Avengers though, the name has no resemblance.

I didn't even know there was a Dead Rising movie.

Holy shit that movie was utter garbage. It's insane how anyone creatively involved in that project still gets paid to work in Hollywood. Fuck me it was awful on every level.

Mr 12 Years

I liked it.

how is it insane that the child of two high level Hollywood producers gets to do whatever he wants in Hollywood?

This movie made me so fucking angry.
Everyone in it is absolutely retarded.

My, how the mighty do fall… Or did that guy just love adapting Stephen King's work and lost his stroke of luck at that point?

Got a wank out of it when I was 15, at least.

nah, there's quite a lot of funny moments, or at least interesting developments that hold your attention..