Post through of a shitty game

I'm on the edge of my seat, OP

are you the same user who did that post-through of that shitty viking deer-god game?

It sounds like a mix of Terraria and DF but not as good as either of them.

OP, this game has only 2 negative English reviews, the last of which was made back in November. What's wrong with your priorities, why haven't you done your part? Posting a review for a game with

No. I like doing things this way. Maybe you can go do the steam reviews, if you like that kind of thing.
Next, UI.

YES

That name reminds me of something I wanted to fuck but what it was eludes me.

There's is already a game that's mix of Terraria and DF. Its called "Craft the World" and extremely populary in normalfag communities.

That looks like a Clash of Clans style game that makes you either wait a boatload of time to do anything or BUY BUY BUY.

Its designed like a mobile game, i give you that. But as far i know there's no micro-transactions in pirate version.
Maybe normalfags are attracted to this kind of art style.

And if you liked that one, this thread might get more interesting later.

Is it fun?

I hate this chunky, sterile look so much. It's like the artists are deathly afraid of sticking out or having the audience react in any way other than a cursory interest.

So "unique art style" is widely agreed to be "shitty art" now?

Between this and the OFF thread i saw earlier I kind of hope these play by post threads turn into a little bit of a trend. Keep on OP im interested.

We used to have them all the time but they died out after we lost traffic.

Did you liked Fallout Shelter and Steamworld Dig? If you liked both for whatever reason, you will like craft the world too.

HURRY THE FUCK UP

Controls and the UI:

Starting a new game, you can choose between three different control setups:

-Desktop (image of a mouse)
-Laptop (image of wasd-buttons)
-Custom (image of a SNES-controller)

Every single one of these is a lie. It looked really stupid at first, but very soon, it got even worse. There is no way to reconfigure anything. The "mouse" is not actually mouse, it's just gimped version of keyboard, The "wasd" is a gimped version of "custom", and custom is random buttons that you cannot reconfigure.

I would love to blame lazy nu-coders for this, but I just can't. They don't even know what win32/64-layer means. Making a platform to read your input is the most basic thing, but somehow it seems impossible to the new coders using Unity. reposting the "difficulty" that is a meme on its self.

Next: Something better.

Its actually has a name, its called "Clipart" style.

Dark Souls of Rogue likes cancer:

You can select a "Hardcore Dwarven Difficulty" that deletes your save file on death. This is one of the first things to look for, if you are looking for a truly bad gamedev. Permadeath should only be included in games that are incredibly polished and throughly tested. This game is so buggy and random, that there is no reason permadeath to exist but the pure cancer of hard game meme. I chose the "human" or normal.

Next post, the story finally begins.

...

So finally:
The story begins, and it makes no sense at all:

There was a Centaur-Human War, that made the dwarves go back to where they belong - the mines and the great underground cities, and they locked the gates, so no surface races could fuck with them. Why the dwarves even cared about the Centaur-Human war is not explained, to me it sounds like a good opportunity to sell goods from superior dwarven weaponsmiths… Or was it dwarves against Centaurs and Humans? And if it was, why not call it the Great War, or Surface War, or the Dwarven War?

Anyway, centuries later the dwarves opened the gates, for no explained reason. And instantly get flooded by barbaric deathgod worshipping sub-human shitraces. And again, for no fucking reason, any of the the gates, that lasted for centuries, cannot be closed anymore. The dwarves are slaughtered, driven from their ancestral homes and survivors are exiled to the surface. Might be a fitting end to a soft race, but dwarves? No fucking way. What is this? Are these really dwarves at all?

This writing is a bit fucking horrible. Let's try to improve it. The end goal is to have dwarves scattered around the overworld and not have a great central city.

What if the threat came from underground? Undead, kobolds and orcs flooded the underground caverns and pushed the dwarves out, forcing them to open the overworld gates just for them to see that the overworld was already overrun. Makes a little more sense.

Or how about the dwarves locked the gates so quickly and permanently that many of them got stranded in the overworld? The end goal would be to unite the stranded tribes and find a way back to the underground.

Or, better yet, how about not letting incompetent people write history or lore for projects, if all they can do is this kind of illogical mess? Just by sending this tiny bit of text to be proof-readed by anyone outside of the devteam , would give a hint that this is really bad writing. And it's easily fixed in 30 minutes. It's less than one A4 for fucks sake. I quess this game might come from a huge hugbox, where no critical thinking is allowed, but still, holy shit this is bad.

Welp. In any fucking game this would be a deal breaker for me to not even touch it.

That first story text is a mess. They are saying it was a human and centaur only war, and that the dwarves complacent from a golden age, so why would they care about closing their gates? They seem to imply the dwarves became disillusioned about the overworld but it is something that needs a bit more elaboration to make sense.

This is a "shit game post through", so expect nothing less.

Next: Tutorial of the dark gods.

...

Yes. It's just really bad writing. Not even exceptionally bad, but just bad.
Thing to be noted here is that, as I pointed out, it can be fixed, very easily. The setting is really good (Dwarves stranded in overworld), but the history/story is horrible.

You could've at least sent someone a message
store.steampowered.com/curator/6858585-It's-shit/

Lurking.

This writing is worse than most fanfiction I've read. And I've read a lot.

That person has some typical shit opinions.

It's a joke curator.

I see nothing wrong with anything he is saying here.

Except for his thoughts on the Witcher, he's completely wrong there

Tutorial:
I got destroyed by the tutorial first goblin. The controls are so fucked up that they constantly drifted right. And I got killed by the tutorial goblin for about 30 times.

ALL HOPE IS LOST

funnily accurate.

So, obviously I tried a couple of times more (30+), to complete the tutorial, I had to make a shamesave, and see if I was missing some important gameplay mechanics. But no. My Dwarf was just so shit, that it got buttraped by the tutorial goblin - every time all the time.

I didn't know the devs made that kind of game.

What?

It tries to emulate accurate damage system like dwarf fortress kind of system, but it only randomizes prefixes and suffixes to create a randomized "damage system", none of those injuries mean anything, it's just two random words - you can walk just fine with fractured pelvis and torn brain tissue. It's just a pale imitation of better game mechanics.

...

I guess if you want to side step that all of the human characters look like deformed monstrosities sure, that's unique. I'd just call it bad, unappealing, or ugly myself.

how

I lost

Op, are you Dean Takahashi?

This shit looks almost exactly like that one game that was being shilled here two weeks ago because it was free on (((steam))).
I think it was called Kingdom: Classic or some shit

...

I'm thoroughly enjoying this.

Fuck you Carlos.

Oh boy, don't remind me of it. I still don't understand what people liked in it that it was so popular.

I don't remember it being that bad but I played with a controller. I gave up when I realized how shit the AI's pathfinding was not long after.

OP has died of raped anus

OP is english not your first language?

That's actually what I thought it was until I read the third OP image. Indie pixelshit is indistinguishable.

Sorry about this guys, but I'm gonna be the most unreliable poster in the world. Here is the next one:

The story is something about not having any paths to explore, fysically or storywise. Just. Got. lucky.
And the tutorial ends.

It seems like this

user was right

This game has super boring core game loop:

repeat.

Actually, the loop would be just fine if the combat and level design would be good, but that's just not the case here. This is pretty much one of the most common core loops today, and you could simplify the loop to this:

Repeat.

Since level design and combat are both fairly bad, 66% of the core loop is terrible. The rest 33% is fine. You can't really fuck up progression - all you need is perpetually increasing numbers, that's it. Likewise, you cannot fuck up skinnerbox, just add semi-random rewards, or loot(boxes).

real random doesn't trigger addiction quite as well as controlled "random". Check Blizzard for details.

Does the ground taking up a third of the screen ever become relevant or did they just put it there to distract you?

I see no way this could be abused.
:^)

You just spoiled the 1/3 of the "conclusions" part.
No, it doesn't do anything. It's just shitty design.

Terraria did it and since we want the Terraria audience that means we have to do it too
t. rainbow-haired san fran indie dev

someone send this game to vati

These devs must have lost their minds halfway through development.

he is right on neo-scavenger, the only skill that matters is melee

Now I'm off the tutorial and good to go. So let's explore. There is a pretty good journal system, but it barely works. So it's questing time.

The first one is a farm, apple farm of course. There is a MMO-style kill the cobolds quest. I try it and this happens: Pic. They completely fuck me up.

Next: the game.

I try to get something done but, the lowest level questst, the wolves and cobolds just kill me so effortlessly, that it's insulting to a dwarf.

Shit farmer how do you even live there anymore?

...

Laddo buddy fam man dude, you're retarded.

The game:

I die and die, again and again. But then I decide to make a move. I go to the tavern and hire a guy that is literally 20 times stronger than me.

The guy is named: "Lobber Beard Cutter"
I secretly hoped that none of those where his family name.

We set of to do a pretty solid revenge on the cobolds and the wolves that have killed me 20+ times. Let's see how this goes?. It's a blood bath

Also notice a "hire duration" on the Lobber. And it is exactly what it sounds like.
Next: The game.

bump

The game:

We go on a semi-ironic revenge on cobolds, but Lobber goes full berzerk before any cobolds are even seen. I try to run after him but when I get to the cobold encampment, Lobber has killed everybody. There were supposed to be hostages. I don't know, maybe the quest reseted.

Next we travelled to the north, and killed the wolves, and it was a close one. Holy shit. Then I got paranoid about the "hire duration" and went to the camp and I spent all my money on this "Lobber" to stay with me 3 more adventures.
Gain some, lose it all

Have a webm version, user.

I'm getting the feeling that this is all leading into the game having a schizoid difficulty level if you try to level on your own as we've already seen, but that there's nothing preventing you and everything encouraging you- it's entirely necessary, in fact- to get handheld by steamroller NPCs to get over the initial hurdle, after which you become a steamroller PC without any real work put in and thus no sense of advancement. Am I on the right track, OP?

Quality thread OP.

No. This is a thread completely made for entertainment.

At this point the game got so boring and shitty, that I started to zone-out badly enough that I can't remember any spesifics of the game. It was like daydreaming but with a weird game mechanics twist. Come to think of it, maybe I was actually sleepwalking, or sleepgaming.

What I do remember however, is that I started to focus on stupid irrelevant details that only slightly have anything to do with the game. It really is pretty wonderous to see what bored brains conjure up to entertain themselves. Im going to try something new here and make the next few posts mostly about those zone-out moments. There isn't much else I can do, since I got stuck in a terribly boring core game loop and I was half asleep. I'll only post the things that involve gamedesign, art or mechanics, leaving random offtopic bullshit out. I'm trying to avoid going into pure blogposting territory - these treads are dangerously close to that already.

Next posts are going to be a bit incoherent. Basically I'm trying to replicate my thoughts while grinding this game (half) asleep. Get ready, it's horribly overanalyzed apple mechanics time.

Dem Apples:

This game has the rolliest apples I have ever seen. They easily win the "Perpetual Motion Award for Computer Game Apples". They don't break the Apple Speed Record though, which is held firmly by Dragons Dogma. In DD, with strong enough explosion on a slope, an apple can reach relativistic speeds and literally phase out of the game world. Or maybe it crosses the "Active physics object maximum allowed render distance", but who knows.

Anyway, in this game, you break a lot of apple crates, shitloads of them. It's nearly "Naughty Dog early years"-tier apple-crate-smash-a-balooza. The apples roll like you would expect in Unity pixelshit game, they are perfectly round physics objects and they rotate the sprite (which always looks fucking horrible in pixel art). Mostly the apples just fly out of the box randomly, roll a bit and friction stops them fairly fast. But, as one can also expect from Unity 2D, it just doesn't work everytime. Very rarely, when the stars are right, an apple decides to roll away and never stop. On one occasion, I dashed my whole stamina bar after one of these fuckers, and it showed no slowdown what so ever, so the friction or drag or both were bugged. And even the bug is buggy - maybe 1 out of 5 bugged ones the apple just randomly stops after 1-3 screensworths of jolly good rolling.

I assume that the rolliest apple bug only happens when an apple.object is spawned very near the ground and the randomly assigned velocity vector (AddForce) is exactly horizontal. Usually these glitches also require the object to be spawned on the friction activating collision boundary ("ground"), or just a little over it, or to have some overlap with it, depending on the engine. But most of all, it requires really shitty coding, so that an physics object can collide with ground, but friction is not applied to it for some stupid reason. The reason is always incompetence, fueled by the lack of in-depth knowledge of the engine being used. Not like you need any knowledge to use Unity, just add constant small drag to every fucking object and you're done.
Im not too familiar with Unity 2D-physics in detail, so this is all just speculation. I do seem to have a lot of rare problems with Unity games though, Unity just hates my hardware for some reason.

Dem Apples 2 - Flat as Fuck:

I ran into the perpetually rolling special apples maybe once in an hour and got used to them, but then I thought: "Where the fuck do they go?". See, I hadn't really noticed it earlier, but the game world is pixelperfectly flat. There are no slopes of any kind. There aren't even any walls, pits or even small rocks you'd have to jump over. Underground caves have some variety and building insides have walls, but in overworld every screen is just a straight line. Sure there are ladders and platforms, but the ground is always uninterrupted straight line. I have to give A+ to the devs for hiding this incredibly lazy design in plain sight. If it wasn't for the apples, I probably would never even thought about it.

What makes this flat overworld design choise so baffling, is that you can enter buildings that have walls and slopes and different geometry. So why the hell would you make every screen flat in the overworld? I think I know why: Firstly drawing a line is really easy, simple and lazy. And secondly it's because the movement AI is absolutely horrendous fucking garbage. I seriously cannot understand why devs don't just cough up the money and buy decent AI movement code, or copypaste it from web or better yet, hire a competent amateur coder for a few weeks. Why even ship a game that is pretty much completely crippled by quite a few serious, but easily fixable coding flaws? All these mediocre art assets and music go to waste because of this shitty practise. Fuck.

Dem Apples 3 - Blueberry Fields Forever:

Back to the main point, apples. So when does the perpetually rolling special apple stop? On the scrolling parallax background you can see hills and mountains, but they have to be somekind of a mirage or hallusination caused by beard polish fumes, since you actually never stand on a slope. I'm assuming the apple also never runs into a hill or a hole in the ground, because those things don't fucking exist. The whole world is perfectly flat, so the apple literally never stops.

But wait! What about the lakes and the rivers and the sea you see drawn on the map? Surely the apple would stop on a river or a sea?
Well, that map is full of shit. You never see any rivers, lakes, seas or ponds ever, not in the background parallax, not overworld, not in the caves, absolutely nowhere but drawn on that lying piece of shit map. There simply are no large or small bodies of water in this world. And that is why I had to assume that those blue areas on the map are blueberry fields - perfectly fucking flat blueberry fields, spanning thousands of square kilometers, covering over 70% of the world. So the apple never stops, ever.

I hoped that sometime in the late game, a single apple would roll towards my character from the edge of the screen. I would salute it while it passes me and continues its journey to make a second trip around the perfectly flat blueberry covered planet. "Godspeed Apple-tan", I would say.

...

10/10
Apple-tan is the unsung hero of this story.

This is top tier entertainment, I need to go buy some apples

You hit the nail in the fucking coffin.
I still have some lategame material, but It's going to have to wait. I'll be back finishing this after a good night sleep.
I hope you liked this blogposty shitgame post through

Godspeed user, and thank you for your riveting apple stories.

Think I recall even the tutorial telling you to "stick to throwing axes to begin with" or something along those lines, seemed like they knew partially how fucked it was themselves. I ignored it and dumped into shields.

Well done powering through, I gave up on it when I realized how potato the AI is in the multi-level caves.

OP, are you dead yet?

What?

...

RIP OP

Bump. Since the thread somehow is still alive, I owe it to myself to try and bring back OP and his apples.

Also holy shit, this was financed by Humble Bundle? How many dicks did they suck to get someone else to pay for them to make this Unity trash?